‘Your being home is not a free pass to do nothing.’ Was He Wrong To Suggest His Wife Go Back To Work Once Their Kid Was In Daycare?

Every relationship in the world works differently, but as long as both parties involved are happy with it, no one else should care.

That’s not the case for OP, though, who agree with his wife that she would stay home with their daughter when she was born.

My wife and I had our first child two years ago, a beautiful little girl. My wife and I agreed that her being a SAHM was worth it, and I can sustain the household on my income.

After awhile he noticed she seemed overwhelmed, and when he realized there was childcare available through his work, they both decided to go ahead and put their daughter in daycare.

I started to notice about a year in she was getting overwhelmed and asked what I could to help. She claimed to be fine, but I started to price around childcare options.

Spoke with, friends, family, and colleagues looking for any suggestions, recommendations, and resources. That is when my boss told me our job has childcare benefits.

Awesome! I start the paperwork, get the approval, and got put on a waitlist. I brought it up with my wife we toured the place with our daughter she loved it. About 4 months a spot opened up, and our daughter is now in daycare.

It is run in the same office building I work at, so it is super convenient I drop her off when I head to work and pick her up when I leave. Perfect!

He assumed she would be going back to work and gave her time to make the transition…but she never did.

Here is where the issue arrives, my wife is not doing anything. We split the household chores. That is how it was in my family growing up and I find cleaning and cooking relaxing. So I am fine with it.

That being said my wife has not done much with her day since our daughter started daycare. I understand adjustments take time, that being said the original agreement was for her to be a SAHM, with our daughter in daycare not being rude staying home to be a mom is not happening.

So, he asked when she was planning to go back to work since there is no child at home to stay-at-home-parent. She said she wanted to stay home and do nothing while her husband supported the family.

I brought up the million-dollar question “When are you going back to work?”

This may have been a miscalculation on my part, but I figured I am in this deep let’s see it to the end. She gave me a glare of death and tried to change the subject. I kindly interjected, not trying to push you but practically speaking I told her that she has no excuse to not be working.

This was my tactical error she blew up. Thankfully, during this daughter was at my parent’s house so she did hear or see the yelling. We went back and forth using the classic lines from both sides of the camp.

She used the “good husband provides the option for their wife to stay home” card. I said if you want to be then either watch our daughter or do the housework. Your being home is not a free pass to do nothing. She clapped back with your coworkers’ wives get to stay home and do nothing.

I told her I agree but they have cheated on their wives want me to start doing that? I am sure you piece together the rest.

Also? They still split the housework and “after hours” childcare 50/50.

The comment about cheating was not a threat, she was using the fact the wives of my coworkers get to be home even though their kids are also in daycare. I pointed out that the husbands are cheating on them.

My coworkers’ situation is skewed, they have found it is more beneficial to stay together from the wives’ side. We live in a state where spousal support has caps and does not matter how many years you were married before. Husbands stick around cause the status quo is just easier.

It was just to state that is not the life she thinks it is.

The argument devolved (as things tend to do), but was he wrong to assume she would be doing something with her days now that their daughter is away?

Let’s hear Reddit out on this one!

The top comment says the wife’s expectations are out of whack.

This person agrees that her reasoning really doesn’t hold up.

And this commenter agrees that nothing about this is fair to OP.

Most people think the cleaning is the least his wife could be doing.

No one is on the wife’s side here.

It seems like this is a conversation they should have had before getting married.

If she wanted to be a kept woman, I mean.