‘What was the point of getting married if he had to cook for himself?’ High-Earning Wife Asks Husband To Pay For His Fair Share Of Meals, But He Refuses

In this day and age, a lot of people are wising up to the fact that traditional gender roles not only rarely apply, but that they’re also fluid and able to be applied in a way that fits a specific situation.

OP makes double what her husband does, and somehow, she also does most of the work at home. He expects her to handle all of the meals, which means that if she’s not cooking them, she should pay for the entire takeaway bill.

My husband (40M) and I (35F) have very different jobs. Basically, I make double than what he does and he argues that I should pay for takeaway food, especially because I am the wife and it is my role to cook.

Therefore, if I cannot cook, then I should make up for it by paying for takeaways, since he already shares the split bill for food groceries (and rent).

To give you a little bit of context, I have just taken on a new role at the start of this month, as a head of department, with 6 new members of staff and a lot of loose ends to tie from previous leadership.

We both wake up at 4.30am and while he gets home at around 3.30 pm, I find myself arriving around 5.30pm on a light day.

He cleans occasionally but not that often and not without complaining.

His job involves food processing and while it is a laborious process, when he leaves his workplace, that’s the end of the day for him, whereas I come home and continue working from home (including weekends) until around 9pm, when I just pass out as I am too tired.

For him, home time means 90% being on his phone/laptop watching videos and playing games, making coffees and smoking his cigarettes.

I am not going to lie and say he never helps – he does clean the bathroom and hoovers occasionally (once a month) and does the dishes (not without complaining though).

She pays for all of the extras like vacations and nice meals out, etc.

Now it has come to the point where a few months ago, while he had one too many drinks, he told everyone at the table that he was ‘investing all his money in my ***’. This is when I started downloading every single receipt for grocery, phone bills, rent, Uber drives, takeaways, holiday accommodations, plane tickets, etc. all paid by me. His argument is that some of those trips were things that I wanted to do or see (which is why I never reproached anything to him); however, the fishing trip that he wanted so much also came out of my own pocket and I never asked him a dime for it.

Last month, as we were mostly on holiday, he only contributed with around $200 towards monthly expenses with rent, food and bills, which again, I did not complain about, as I knew that he wasn’t paid for most of that month.

When she tried bringing up how busy she is at work and how she has no downtime, he asked her why he would have gotten married to cook and do all of that work himself?

But now, once he is working, he is refusing to give me anything that is beyond rent, bills and groceries, stating that I am the woman of the house and it is my job to do the cooking.

I told him that I am spread thin these days until everything is more streamlined with everything at work, and that maybe he could cook every now and then or heat some ready-made food (microwave or oven), but he asked me what was the point of him getting married if he was going to do the cooking himself?

So, AITA for wanting the bills to be shared equally, if both of us are eating?

Also, not one single time when I asked him about ordering, did he mention the fact that I would have to pay for all of it.

In certain instances, he was even the one asking me to order food.

OP says she loves him and so is wondering if Reddit has any ideas on how she can change this dynamic at home.

I know they do!

The top comment says any way you look at it, her partner is not pulling his weight.

This person says she is not wrong, but she is being a jerk – to herself.

They say it sounds like OP wants a mother, not a partner.

It’s a gentle reminder that chores are done for the house, not for a person.

This commenter thinks maybe OP needs to turn the tables.

This woman absolutely deserves better.

I hope she takes these comments to heart and demands some serious change.