When we’ve been hurt in the past, it can be hard to tell going forward whether or not we’re being too sensitive when the subject comes up in the future.
OP has learned she’s unable to have children, and after years of trying, was left by her husband. In her eyes, it was because he wanted to find someone younger who could give him kids (and she has given him two).
It has been hard for her to work through it, and has done so with the help of at least one friend who is also struggling with infertility.
I (F35) am infertile. My ex husband and I tried everything to have kids but it just never happened. He divorced me, went and married someone younger who was able to give him a kid and from what I gather, they’re expecting a 2nd child together.
It hurts like hell seeing someone else have what I couldn’t. I get frustrated with myself sometimes and with family blaming me for basically everything.
I turn to my friends for support, Especially “Alessia”, she’s in the same “infertility boat” as me but she and her husband are currently trying IVF hoping it’d work.
Recently, that friend asked OP for help paying for an IVF cycle and OP graciously wrote a check for $12k.
Alessia asked me for help to pay for her upcoming IVF cycle. I agreed to write her a check of $12,000, I really wanted to help her and the money came with no strings attached. I wrote the check and gave it to her last week.
She was very appreciative of it.
Then OP found out through a mutual that her friend made some cruel comments about OP’s own situation.
The very next day, I got a sudden message from a mutual friend “Carol” with a screenshot of the conversation she had with Alessia.
Turns out she and Alessia were talking about the next IVF cycle, and Alessia said she hoped the cycle would work because “she didn’t wanna end up divorced, and having her husband go marry someone younger and have a baby with them and another one on the way!
While she’s alone and without a family at 35! (She’s 32). I was stunned and…hurt, I knew she meant me here.
She canceled the check, and when asked why, told the friend that she knew what she had said and was terribly hurt by the comment.
But I did not confront her I simply contacted my bank and cancelled the check. In the evening, Alessia called to ask why I cancelled the check and I told her.
She went bats*%t saying she didn’t mean it that way and that she thought that this was somewhat an “inside joke” between “desperate infertile women”. She came over with her husband the next day begging I write another check but I refused.
Both the friend and her husband have apologized and asked multiple times if she won’t change her mind, but OP is refusing – but wondering if maybe she’s being too sensitive about the whole thing.
An argument ensued and her husband thought I wasn’t being supportive of her like when she supported me throughout my struggles. She left crying and we haven’t talked since then. Her husband keeps reminding me (while repeatedly calling Carol a toxic snake) of the date of the next cycle saying they can’t have it after I took the money that was supposed to pay for it back!.
Some friends thinks I’m being oversensitive. Carol’s on my side telling me to tell them to go to hell but I feel so bad about it. what I’ve done might just damage our 15 years of friendship. Maybe I shouldn’t have cancelled it but I just felt so offended by what she said about me and how she basically mocked my unfortunate circumstances.
so reddit, AITA?
I’m sure Reddit is going to show this woman some love, right?
The top comment was incredibly sweet and supportive.
And this person says there’s no excuse.
Maybe the husband is projecting just a little bit, no?
They say the friend can’t expect to have it both ways.
It’s painful but necessary to realize who your true friends really are.
I really hate this post, but I am glad OP knows the truth.
No matter how it might hurt.