‘They’ve been sending me the rudest messages about how I’m turning my kids spoiled.’ She Wants Her Mom To Babysit For Her, Not Her Brother and Sister-In-Law. Is She Wrong?

Family relationships can be tough. Whether you’re close with your siblings or not, kids always want things to be “fair,” even after they’re grown.

OP moved her mother into her home, renovating an in-law suite and taking care of many of her financial concerns in exchange for having her mother take care of her two children after school.

So I (37F) am married and have two kids (11 and 8). My husband and I both work full time corporate jobs so we don’t get home until 5-6pm every night. We used to have a nanny who would pick the kids up from school and stay at home until one of us came back. Almost a year ago, my father unfortunately passed leaving my mother (60F) alone, so between her, my husband and I, we all thought it’d be best for my mother to move in with us.

It basically became the arrangement that my husband and I renovated our home to create an in law suite for my mom to live in full time and we help take care of her bills, and she will essentially replace our nanny and look after our kids 2:30pm-6pm Monday-Friday.

Then one day she noticed her sister-in-law dropping her much-younger children off for all-day babysitting. OP took issue with this because her house is not baby-proofed.

Also, they didn’t even ask her mom if she minded.

It’s been great having her around, but the issue is that my brother (32M) and his wife (SIL) think it’s unfair and showing “favorites” if my mom only babysits my kids and not theirs.

Last week, SIL literally just dropped off her kids (2 and 4) at my house as soon as my husband I left for work and I only found out through my Ring camera.

My husband and I don’t want my brother’s kids at our house because 1) they’re very young and our house is not baby proofed and has many fragile items I know they will try to get into 2) the 4yo is extremely spoiled and his parents never say no or give him consequences so he goes to anyone’s house and has bad behavior 3) my mom only watches my kids for about three hours everyday, but my SIL is dropping off her kids ALL day at MY house even when my kids aren’t being watched.

OP talked to her mother about it and was told it was up to OP whether or not she wanted the babysitting to happen in her home.

I talked to my mom and she said she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable with watching 4 kids at once but she’ll try if needed and it’s ultimately up to me if my brother’s kids can come over since it’s my house.

When OP told the SIL (who is a stay-at-home mom) no, she went off about how her kids were spoiled and they could afford a nanny and the mother should babysit for them instead.

So I told my brother and SIL no and they’ve been sending me the rudest messages about how I’m turning my kids spoiled and letting them have their grandmother’s favoritism etc etc.

Also that I could afford a nanny but I’m choosing to “use” my mother when she and my brother can’t afford other childcare. I just reminded her that she’s a SAHM and it’s her JOB to look after her kids, not my mother’s, and blocked her.

So AITA?

She also provided some more information for those asking:

Adding for clarification from some comments I’ve gotten: I have absolutely no issues if my mom wants to go over to my brother’s/SIL house to watch their kids!

But my issue is that SIL wants to just drop her kids off at my house ALL day to have my mother watch them so SIL can have an empty/mess free house. She’s basically trying to use my mom and my house as a daycare.

Also I take deep issue with her just dropping of her kids at my house without notifying me/my husband or even asking my mom.

Now OP is asking Reddit whether she’s selfish or the SIL is looking at this all wrong.

The top comment points out that the SIL is forgetting that OP is paying her mother, essentially.

Many people pointed out that OP’s elementary-aged kids are a whole different ballgame than two toddlers all day.

No one missed the fact that the SIL is a stay-at-home mom, either.

This person agrees with OP that it’s completely wrong to not even ask the mom what she wants to do all day.

They also agree there’s no reason for them to be at OP’s house.

This one sounds bad based on the title.

But once you read it, you realize OP is the sane one in the picture.