Should She Have Forwarded Her Sister-In-Law’s Text To Her Brother?

Family relationships can be tricky, especially when new people are being brought into the fold. Most of us try to welcome in-laws with open arms, but personalities can clash no matter how hard we try.

OP lives abroad with her family. Her brother met his now-wife while back in the States but they recently moved back to his home country after finding out she was pregnant.

My (29F) brother Todd (33M) is married to Hayley (31F) and they have a 10mo son, Josh. My family moved in Switzerland when we were young, but Todd when back to the US for college which is where he met Hayley, and they’ve since moved back to Switzerland when Hayley got pregnant.

Since they arrived abroad and had a child, OP says her sister-in-law has been attempting to involve her and her mother in her marital issues. They have both repeatedly told her that they do not want to get involved in their son’s/brother’s marriage and asked her to stop.

Since Hayley and Todd got married, and especially since she gave birth, Hayley has been trying to involve my mother and me in her and Todd’s relationship. She started texting my mother when she and Todd would disagree, asking my mother her opinion or if she could talk to Todd on her behalf. My mother was very uncomfortable with this. My mother was happy to help out with anything to do with adjusting to living in a different country, but she really didn’t want to get involved in Hayley and Todd’s relationship.

Then Hayley started texting me. She would get in a disagreement with Todd and text me the next day asking me to come to her house to talk about it, or ask me for advice. I said was not getting involved in my brother’s marriage and that it was inappropriate, but that didn’t stop her.

She started showing up at my mother’s house unannounced and even tried to once at my apartment. We’ve all separately spoken to Todd about this many times and he’s said he will talk to her about it but nothing ever changes.

She hasn’t stopped, and after a recent complete meltdown that happened while OP was a work, she told the sister-in-law that she was done, and would forward any and all texts to her brother in the future.

A few days ago I got a call from Hayley. She was screaming and sobbing so loudly my sales assistant could hear her even though she wasn’t on loudspeaker. What I ended up being able to understand was that Todd about money and he had changed his credit card details and she was upset. She wanted me to talk to him but I told her I was not getting involved in this and I was sick of her trying to drag me into her marriage.

I told her that from now on any messages or information shared with me would be passed along to Todd because I was done and hung up.

She tried to call back but I didn’t pick up.

Which is exactly what she did. This resulted in her sister-in-law feeling betrayed and her brother being put in an awkward position.

Then a barrage of texts start coming through. I forwarded them all to Todd and told him this stuff needs to stay on his plate not ours and we’re sick of her behaviour. Todd apologised and said he’d do something about it.

That evening, I got a long text from Hayley saying she can’t believe I forwarded her messages to Todd and that I betrayed her confidence and that I was a terrible person for never helping her with anything.

I just forwarded the message to Todd. Since then I haven’t heard from her and neither has my mother.

The entire family is thrown off balance, which has left OP wondering whether or not she’s done the right thing.

I was at lunch with my friends yesterday, all of whom know about the background to this, and they all said that while I definitely should have made sure Todd handled it, I probably shouldn’t have forwarded him the messages immediately and that I did betray Hayley’s trust.

I don’t think I did, considering I warned her what I would do if she didn’t stop. I’ve also been speaking to Todd and this has caused mayhem in their household, so now I’m feeling bad because that wasn’t my intention. AITA?

Does Reddit think she should have handled things differently? Let’s find out!

The top comment thinks the sister-in-law’s behavior is childish.

This person agrees that the sister-in-law shouldn’t have been shocked that OP would follow through.

Image Credit: Reddit

They say the only way OP would be wrong is if she thought her brother might be abusive.

Image Credit: Reddit

Some people were more sympathetic about all of the big changes the SIL has been through recently.

Image Credit: Reddit

If she’s changed an awful lot, OP and her family might need to be more sympathetic toward her.

Image Credit: Reddit

I do feel for this woman, because it seems like she’s dealing with an awful lot and doesn’t have a whole lot of support.

Hopefully this is the wakeup call she needs to realize she’s going about it the wrong way.