Another day, another juicy Reddit thread. This one comes from u/EfficientGazelle4739. We will refer to him as the “OP” or Original Poster — he is 28 years old and has been dating 29-year-old Amy since May of 2022.
“Amy has two kids from a previous relationship. Twin boys that are 7 years old now. I get along great with them. Amy and I were starting to discuss moving in together and how that would work out with the kids. Things didn’t seem like a problem until she asked if we could find a place where I could afford to pay rent on my own in case she became a stay-at-home mom (SAHM),” he explains in the thread.
Confused, the OP asked why she would become a SAHM when the two of them weren’t planning on having more kids and he had a vasectomy two years ago. “She said it’s always been her dream to be a SAHM, and the boys will benefit from having her home. She said she knows it’ll be a lot for me to take on, but she would appreciate if we could talk about it and possibly make it happen as soon as we move in together.”
The OP said he told her he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of him being the sole breadwinner for their soon-to-be-four-person household. He does fine affording rent on his own, but groceries, bills, and stuff the kids need will add up and leave him nothing in savings. “I also said the boys are in school most of the day, and although I agree that any child will greatly benefit from having a parent available 24/7, I don’t think it’s a necessity. I also told her I’d be stressed out having them all rely on me.”
Seeming to agree, Amy told the OP that it was fine and she would work…however, a week later, he got a call from Amy’s mom. “Her mom started the conversation sweet enough before getting to the point. She asked why I decided to date a single mother if I was not willing to step up for her and her kids. To be honest, this kind of pissed me off. I didn’t know deciding to date a single mom meant I’d have to happily be financially responsible for them all.”
Trying to be nice, the OP told Amy’s mom that the issue was between them to decide. “She said Amy won’t have more kids because she’s with me, and this is her only chance of being completely devoted to her kids.” He cut the call short after she added that he was being “stingy” with his money and not willing to sacrifice for her.
“I spoke to Amy about it after the fact. She said she needed someone to vent to about the situation, and her mom just had her best interest at heart. She said she thought it would be better for me to get her mom’s perspective. I asked if it would be okay for me to go tell my mom that my girlfriend was asking me to bankroll her and her children’s lives. She said I’m taking things too personally and I should’ve expected things to not go great after our discussion.”
Now u/EfficientGazelle4739 says he is at a loss on what he should do. Here’s what the people of Reddit are saying…
U/Lunasmyspiritanimal is telling him to “run for the hills!” U/oldwitch1982 added, “She may as well have a neon sign over her head saying, ‘Who wants to pay for me and my kids forever?’ She’s outta her gourd!! And her mother — OMG. Dude, run FAST AF for the hills! NTA…end this now.”
Several people are saying the move-in is a red flag waiting to happen. “She’s going to move herself and kids in with you and then CONVENIENTLY ‘LOSE’ HER JOB!!! She’s got a grifter mindset, and she’s from a family with a grifter mindset. RUN 🚩🚩🚩,” said u/RIPSunnydale.
And the overall consensus is that when the mom was brought into the picture, it should have been the dealbreaker. “Run. Decisions should be between the two people in the relationship. Her bringing her mom into it to try to bully you into doing what she wants is not only ridiculous but childish as well. Your girlfriend needs to grow up. Please do not move in with her. Just break up with her. Do you really want to be in a relationship with her and her mom? Any problems you two have, her mom will have a say as well.”
So, phew. We really wanna know your thoughts on this! Let us know in the comments!
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kristatorres/reddit-man-wont-allow-girlfriend-to-be-sahm