Person Thinks They’d Survive the OceanGate Implosion

Providing only anecdotal evidence, if you can call it that, the OP claims he would have absolutely survived the OceanGate submersible implosion. “This is not a joke,” he writes. “You always hear about those 1 in a million odds where people drive off a cliff and had 0.0000001 percent chance to survive but they miraculously did.” Personally I never hear those stories. That is a very specific corner of the internet.

This guy says he’s definitely that guy. “There’s no real stats to back this up, I just know I’ve always been built different.” He’s so close to really unraveling his own assertion. Say it again slower, there is no evidence to support this but it’s still true?

He then tosses out what I’m calling the Glinda the Good Witch Theory. “Perhaps the implosion would’ve left me an air bubble while I slowly floated to the top.” This is followed by the Honey I Shrunk Myself Theory which again, is my choice. “Or I escape just in time through a crease and swim up quickly.” That was the problem, no one made themselves small enough to squeeze through the very crack that could have caused the implosion.

Here are my favorite responses to this post. There are days when the internet is truly a curse, then there are moments when the best of the best show up for a solid roast session. “I feel like, if I were a T-Rex, I would’ve survived the meteors. Idk I’m just built different,” replied u/ProgKingHughesker. It only escalates from here!

Reddit user FitButterfly7227 chimed in with, “I’m not like other delusions of grandeur narcissists,” which is a burn inside a burn. And, I simply cannot pass up a crass joke involving defecation. One is never too old for a poop-related pun. “I once survived a sub accident. I was 14 and s— my pants violently after eating a week old subway club sandwich,” said u/McGuitarpants.

Actor and devout Catholic Mark Wahlberg graced the January 2012 cover of Men’s Journal Magazine. A quick Google yielded zero results for this issue, and I suspect I know why.

According to Huffington Post, during his interview with the outlet, Wahlberg suggested that he could have prevented one of the planes from hitting the Wold Trade Center (WTC) on Sept. 11, 2001. Apparently he opted to fly to Toronto a week early but had he not changed his flight, Wahlberg would have been on the plane that flew out of Boston and crashed into the WTC.

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did,” he shared with the magazine. “There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.” Is Mark a pilot? I don’t think so.

In response to this deeply insensitive interview, TMZ spoke with Deena Burnett-Bailey. Her husband, Thomas Burnett, was one of the four passengers on United Flight 93 who diverted their plane from Washington, D.C., crashing it into a field in Pennsylvania. No one survived. “The plan for Flight 93 was foiled by heroes,” said Deena. “For him to speculate that his presence on board could have stopped everything is silly and disrespectful. Sounds like someone is grandstanding.”

Reuters reported that Wahlberg immediately issued an apology for this statements. “To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with, and to suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention,” he said.