People Who Cheated Are Sharing Reasons Why They Did It

2.

“The short of it is: I’m having an affair because I’m miserable in my marriage, but I don’t think my husband could support himself comfortably if I left. I have a better and more secure job, and he’s just not that good with money or keeping on top of things. That was fine back when he was single, but it’s not a great way to be when you’re responsible for helping to raise children.”

“He’s a great father. He’s just not a very supportive spouse. We’ve grown apart, and I’m not in love with him anymore. We live more like friends/roommates than we do husband and wife. In an ideal world, I’d live right next door to my husband and share raising our kids together happily.

I wasn’t looking for a lover when it happened. I met someone over a shared hobby — he was/is married, with children around the same age as mine. We hit it off, very friendly, and both thought the other was in a happy and stable relationship. That made it much easier, actually, to become good friends. I never once thought that he was interested in anything other than a platonic relationship, a commiseration on the stresses of being a parent.

Over time it became apparent that I felt a strong attraction to him, and when I told him that I was concerned about it, and thought that perhaps we should step back, he confessed the same attraction. It was a really difficult process to go through because neither of us wanted to be an adulterer, but in the end, I realized that this person made me happy in a way my husband had never made me feel.

We make our children — and to a lesser degree our respective spouses — our priorities. I would never ask or demand he leave his wife, even if I left my husband. I would never contact his wife or reveal the affair to her. We speak every day, but only manage to get together every other month or so. Sometimes, it’s longer than that due to responsibilities at home or work, and that’s OK. We both accept it and make the best of it, since the relationship that has developed is not solely a physical one.

I don’t enjoy lying to my husband. I get no thrill out of it. I don’t expect people to understand my decision — I can understand that. But the fact is, relationships are complicated, and there are always more factors at work than the average outsider can know.”

—not_me_456