People Share Cultural Differences In Their Relationships

10.

“I was a year into my relationship with a woman from China, and we were discussing marriage. She began to tell me about the various traditions around marriage, and the biggest sticking point was the Caili (彩礼). This gets translated as betrothal gift or bride price, and it was a hefty sum of cash to be given to her parents upon engagement.”

“I balked at this because it seemed like paying for a wife. We argued over this regularly until finally, after a year and a half, she gave me all the details of how it actually works in her particular area. The Caili is given as a demonstration of the ability to support the daughter, and later, when another big change comes to the couple, the family returns the money (like when the first child is born). Once I had those details, I became more comfortable with the concept. Ultimately, my advice would be to ask for a thorough explanation of the difference you’re stuck on and try to understand the purpose of the cultural practice. America is in many ways a less traditional country, and we don’t examine our own traditions but get really hung up on those of others.”

—Anonymous