Past Bridesmaids Are Sharing Advice For A First-Timer

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“An early discussion about what the bride expects will save a lot of aggravation on both sides. It might also help you both to find areas of flexibility early on. For example, at a friend’s wedding last year, we had to pay for our own hair and makeup. But she had no problem with us doing our own hair and makeup, which saved me $200. If you won’t be able to afford a bachelorette trip out of town, it’s better that she knows that now.”

“So much depends on the personality of your bride. I was pretty lucky with mine — she had minimal expectations. A few bridesmaids missed the bridal shower and the bachelorette, respectively, and she wasn’t upset. When I asked her if she wanted me to lose weight or change my hair, she was horrified. ‘I asked you to be in my wedding because I love you, not because you fit a certain look.’ I’ve heard horror stories about brides trying to control every aspect of their bridesmaids’ looks, and it’s not okay. Most weddings will have things you have to put up with that you aren’t thrilled about. For me, it was an incredibly long time spent taking photos. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but it’s her day, and you want it to be the best possible. Do what you can, and set firm boundaries where you need them. Either way, an early discussion with the bride will save you from potential arguments down the line.”

—rnd13001