Mom Asks Daughter To Call Her New Husband “Dad” But She Refuses And Tells Mom That He Should Respect Her Feelings

Losing a parent at a young age is already extremely difficult, but having that parent find someone new can make an already tough situation even tougher for a child to process.

You can’t force a relationship between a child and their new parent, but that’s exactly what this user’s mom did after she lost her dad. She forced the user to call the new man her father, but became angry with her daughter for refusing.

In the midst of a lot of hurt feelings, the daughter turned to Reddit to see if she was in the wrong.

Check it out!

My dad died a few days after my 7th birthday. He was on his way to work and got into an accident.

I loved my dad and have missed him so much since he died. Mom and I both went into grief therapy after his death.

She went for about 6 months. I went for almost 3 years.

A few months before I stopped attending therapy my mom met “Mark”. I didn’t meet him for like a year and a bit after but mom told me she was dating someone and then when they became boyfriend and girlfriend.

They got married like 7 months after I met him. I was 12.

Things became more complicated when Mom asked for something uncomfortable…

Even before they got married Mark and my mom would call me their daughter and say I was their kid.

He would tell people I was his daughter when he met them. Whereas I always called him my mom’s husband or fiancé before they got married.

It bothers my mom and Mark that I don’t tell people he’s my dad or say “my parents” when I’m talking about both.

Over the years they have told me it would mean a lot to Mark if I were to introduce him as my dad. Or she said I could say bonus dad, but not stepdad, since that sounds far more insignificant in terms of the role he plays in my life.

But understandably, she couldn’t just replace her late Father.

I have never done this.

But for a couple of years now my mom has told me I should be better than this, I should think about someone else’s feelings above my own. That it would cost me nothing to let people see him as my parent instead of instantly delegating him to just the dude she’s married too.

She has gone on and on about thinking about his feelings and not putting my own first the whole time.

But when OP pushed back, Mom suddenly changed her tune!

Lately it has been getting to me so when mom said it to me (17f) a couple of weeks ago I told her she should try holding her husband to the same standard she holds me to and ask him to put my feelings before his own.

My mom told me he already has to do that day after day when I refuse to acknowledge him as a dad in my life.

I told her he had a choice on whether he wanted to marry her and take me on. I never got a choice in his place in my life.

But I told her I am taking back that right to choose what he is to me whether she likes it or not.

She told me it was petty for me to claim he needs to be held to the same standard when his actions don’t hurt me but mine hurt him.

So her refusing to call him her Father hurts Mark, but Mark trying to force himself into the role of her Father doesn’t hurt her at all? Talk about a double standard!

Reddit agreed that OPs Mom was certainly valuing Mark’s pride over the feelings of her own daughter.

And this user was shocked that they would so forcefully try to solve such a delicate and emotional problem.

This user thought her dismissal of her daughter may come from trying to protect her marriage and not end up alone once again.

This person theorized that her Mother’s insistence would have the opposite effect she intended.

This person commented that they had no need to refer to them as “Dad”, and it made no difference in the love they shared.

Sometimes when you’re younger you don’t really understand how difficult it is to have a relationship later in life.

The kid could give a little, but so could the mom.

This is such a tough situation

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parent’s 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.