‘I didn’t appreciate her going there almost everyday.’ Does A Roommate Have The Right To Tell Her Roomie To Not Go To Her Boyfriend’s Place To Spend The Night?

For most people, landing a roommate who meets all of their responsibilities, is generally courteous, and is rarely around the house is kind of like finding a unicorn.

As in, most people would love to have one.

OP, though, is struggling with how much her friend/roommate isn’t home.

She says that since the friend moved in, she’s only around when she has her daughter. When she doesn’t, she takes care of her cat and then usually spends the night with her boyfriend.

My friend moved in with me and my 3 year old a couple months ago with her 4 year old and cat. she is mostly only here when she has her kid but the days the kid is with her dad, my friend is hardly ever here, and is over at her boyfriend’s house

She does come to make sure the litter is cleaned, and the cats (because i have a cat too) are fed before she leaves, but she’s really never here.

It was an entire month of her leaving the house right after getting home from work, spending some time with the cat, then going straight to her boyfriend’s. Most nights she doesn’t even sleep here.

OP confronted her about a mysterious “boundary” that was being crossed. The roommate replied that she didn’t see the issue because she was just trying to be considerate by not bringing her boyfriend around.

She was starting to leave when i asked her if she was going to her boyfriend’s. She said yes, then grabbed her keys. I stopped her and said we really needed to talk about her constantly at her boyfriend’s. She said “what is there to talk about?” I told her that I didn’t appreciate her going there almost everyday if she was going to live here and that there needs to be boundaries.

My friend said how she is there every night that she has her kid, and that she only leaves when she doesn’t because that’s the only time she can see him. She stated that she would invite him here but she wants to be courteous to myself and my son, so she just goes over there and ends up staying the night so that she isn’t coming through the door very late when my son is sleeping.

She asked if this was about her leaving the cat there some days, and mentioned that this was not something I told her would be an issue when establishing house rules.

The roommate is confused but OP doesn’t see why she should live with her if she’s “never” there.

I told her it wasn’t about the cat, it was about her never or hardly being here for days at a time, when she lives here. She said she wasn’t gonna just not see her boyfriend and didn’t understand the issue then walked away. This made me feel confused and now i’m wondering if i might be wrong? AITA?

ETA: she has also said that she shouldn’t have to adjust her social life just because she moved in, but i’ve told her it’s my house, i have rules and boundaries , she’s moved into it and I feel like she can move in with her boyfriend if this is really a problem.

Honestly, Reddit is a little confused, too, but they’re still coming with advice (and judgements) on this one.

The top comment says that first of all, OP doesn’t understand what a boundary is.

And this person says OP needs to realize how good she has it.

Boundaries are in your own space, not someone else’s.

This commenter suggests that OP might have envisioned more friendship and less roommate.

A few people thought maybe OP was wanting a free babysitter out of the deal.

Whatever is going on, OP needs to figure out her true motivations.

Otherwise she’s not going to have a roommate or a friend.