‘I accidentally swallowed a bee.’ Healthcare Professionals Talk About the Patients They Dealt With That Had No Common Sense

I’m the kind of person who ALWAYS listens to my doctors and takes their advice seriously.

But you know how people can be…they think they know everything and they like to talk more than they listen.

Let’s hear from healthcare professionals about patients they’ve dealt with that ZERO common sense.

Get started now!

“I’m a pharmacist.

One evening shift I was working a relief shift (not my usual pharmacy). A man comes in looking distressed.

Man: I had s**ual relations with a woman I do not intend to pursue a long term relationship with. (Yes. He said it just like that)

Me: okay. I’m assuming there was an accident or it was unprotected. How long ago did it happen?

Man: last night, at 7pm on the couch. (Woah TMI, I just need to know approximate time to know if plan B will work o.o)

Me: we have this medication called Plan B, and since the incident happened within 72 hours-

Man: oh yes, I got that for her already yesterday right after we finished. We want to know if there is anything we can do to know if she is pregnant now.

Me: unfortunately not. She’ll have to wait 3 weeks or so to see if she gets her period, and if she doesn’t then she can do a pregnancy test then. Theoretically you could do a blood test for faster results, but that would also not be until a couple of weeks, at least.

Man: we’re just really anxious because she really doesn’t want to be pregnant. Is there anything that she can take to prevent the pregnancy? Any multivitamin? Minerals? Food?

Me: she’s already taken it, which was the plan B. There are some other options but those are prescriptions. And no, there are no over-the-counter products she can take.

Man: What about me? Is there anything I can take now to prevent the pregnancy? Any multivitamins or minerals?

Me:……………………………..No sir. There isn’t anything you can take now.”

“Physical Therapist.

Had a patient with neck pain and spasms, also complained of anxiety and heart palpitations.

Asked about caffeine intake and patient revealed drinking and average on 15-20 cups of coffee daily.”

“Had a buddy who was an EMT, he was called out to a location for a g**shot wound.

Apparently what happened is a father was mowing his lawn when he accidentally touched part of the mower near the engine and burned his hand.

He got mad at the lawnmower, pulled out his pistol, and shot it. The bullet ricocheted and hit his son in the leg.”

“Rural ER doc here: 35 year old female walks in with right sided jaw/neck swelling. “ I think it happened because I ate some meat yesterday that my body is reacting to”…

10 minutes later…

“Oh yeah, and I accidentally swallowed a bee and it stung me in my mouth right before this happened. Sorry I forgot to mention that.””

“My mother would pick up shifts as a nurse sometimes in Labour and Delivery and she had met a handful of women who didn’t know the baby was going to be coming out of their va**nas.

Like no clue.

My mom usually said something like “how you got it in is how it’s coming out honey”. This was the late 1990s / early 2000s.”

“There’s a reason that the instructions for prescription suppositories say “unwrap and insert” and not just “insert”.”

“Had an 18 or 19 year old girl come in my ER with some complaint that required an X-ray.

It’s standard that we do a urine pregnancy test prior to imaging on any female of childbearing years. She insisted she’d never had s** and there was zero possibility of pregnancy. We did the test anyway and it resulted that she was pregnant. We did a blood pregnancy test to confirm the result, since she insisted she couldn’t possibly be pregnant because she’d never had s**.

That was positive too. We gave her a few minutes to herself to figure out what the hell happened, and when I returned to check on her a short time later she asked me if she could get pregnant even though her boyfriend, “didn’t go all the way in.”

She 100% believed that long as his p**is wasn’t entirely in her it didn’t count as s**. It took nearly a half hour of explaining reproduction to her for her to understand that whether it’s halfway in or all the way in sperm travel.”

“Working midnight in the ER.

Family brings in a 4 year old at 2 am-ish. I ask them what is wrong.

Them: “Ask him (the 4 year old). He said he needed to see a doctor.”

Me: “Did he say anything was wrong?”

Them: “No. He said he needed to see a doctor, so brought him.”

[A quick back and forth that firmly establishes that they actually showed up in the ER at 2 am, purely because the 4 year old said he needed to see a doctor and they don’t know why]

Me to child: “Why do you need to see a doctor?”

Kid: “The doctor has suckers.”

Me: 😳

To be clear, it is the parents who lack sense and not the kid.”

“Had an adult male patient who needed a Foley catheter.

His mother was in the room, and they both lived together in the backwoods of TN. I informed them both of the order for a catheter, how it works, and why it was needed.

His mother stated “Well he’s still a virgin and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with his virginity being taken in a hospital.””

“Saw a chart once where a person came in for a burn to their eye.

They told the Dr they read online that warm milk in the eye can help with irritation and their eyes were irritated.

So they BOILED milk and then poured it in their eye. Burned it all.”

What in the actual heck were these people thinking?!?