Grandma Wants To See Her Granddaughter Without Son’s Fiancé There, And They’re Not Having It

There are so many aspects of parenting that have been changed or updated in the past couple of decades – and just as many Boomer grandparents who refuse to do any reading on the subject.

OP says that prior to her daughter-in-law getting pregnant, the two of them had a great relationship. Since she asked to be in the delivery room and was denied, though, she says things have been tense.

Throwaway. 51f, my son is 29 and he and his fiancé “Jen” have a 6 week old daughter “Lily” (she also has a 7yo son that is not mg sons child but I still consider him my grandbaby).

I used to get along really well with Jen and told everyone she was like a daughter to me. But when she got pregnant, she started acting weird toward me.

Like I asked to be in the room for delivery and she said a clipped “no” (despite letting her 7yo sons dads mom in the room for his delivery).

No big deal, its her choice.

When she visited at the hospital, she didn’t feel welcome.

But when I went to visit in the hospital afterwards she acted really put off that I was there.

I figured she was just tired and left after 20 minutes to give her space. But then it continued.

All of the five times she has visited during the baby’s six weeks of life, she and her daughter-in-law have tangled about things OP has done or said regarding the baby and her daughter-in-law’s parenting.

I have stopped in to see everyone about 5 times since she had the baby and every single time that I walk in, she gets really quiet. Whenever I’m holding the baby she is hovering.

She also keeps snapping at me over small things. Like how I’m holding the baby (had her on her belly on my arm or sideways across my knees on her belly) because “she’s crying, obviously she doesn’t like that so stop”.

Or snapping at me for things I say to the baby (like when she starts fussing, I said “you won’t get your own way with me, you cant play me like that” in a baby voice, trying to calm her) and she goes “she’s 4 weeks old, how exactly is she playing you?”

Then she got livid and actually kicked me out of the house one time because she picked up the baby for making the smallest of noises and I told her the baby was going to get used to being held all the time if she kept doing that and she said “well it’s a good thing she’s my child and I don’t have to listen to your crying it out bull****”.

Well, I went there on Thanksgiving and apparently it was her mother’s first time meeting the baby and of course the baby was all smiles and loved her grandma.

But when I got the chance to hold the baby, she immediately started screaming and was promptly taken from me.

I feel very slighted.

Now, she is accusing her DIL of trying to sabotage her relationship with a newborn.

I asked my son if he would bring the baby to visit me without his fiancé because I feel like his fiancés attitude toward me is the reason why the baby screams every time I hold her. I definitely think she’s picking up on the hostility.

I don’t know why she even dislikes me now but asking her currently would be pointless.

He told me he absolutely would not bring his daughter to my place without her mother because he wouldn’t do that to his fiancé (who has never been away from the baby thus far).

I told him they were purposely ruining my chance at a relationship with my granddaughter and he said that wasn’t true and that I need to stop “pushing” my old fashioned beliefs, which is the first time I’ve heard of this.

AITA for expecting him to bring my granddaughter to me without her mom so I can have a relationship with her?

Does OP have a leg to stand on? You know Reddit isn’t going to pull any punches!

The top comment says OP is making all of this about her instead of them.

This person feels embarrassed for OP just reading this post.

And this commenter is appalled that she just “stops in.”

They point out that OP seems far more concerned with the baby than how her DIL is doing, for one thing.

This person suggests she try respecting a few boundaries and see what happens.

I am cringing reading this, too.

Everyone but OP knows why her DIL is upset.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parent’s 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.