Friends Criticize Her For Lecturing An Abused Mother About Reconciliation. – ‘You took it too far’

I am happy to know that so many adults who have long felt pressure to keep in contact with abusive parents are finding the strength to go no-contact now.

Some people, though, just don’t understand.

OP recently cut her abusive mother out of her life and feels she is the better for it.

I (36f) went no contact with my narcissistic family last year as I was done being their scapegoat.

Her friend, who is a mother herself, thinks OP should reconsider and reach out for Mother’s Day. Her reasoning is that maybe OP should have tried harder as a child to not be such a burden.

My friend was encouraging me to “call my mother and reconcile for mother’s day” and I explained (again) the emotional and mental abuse I went through and her refusal to take accountability or seek therapy.

She then lectured me on how “it’s hard being a parent” (she’s a parent I’m not) that “as the eldest you should’ve helped your mother around the house more and with your younger siblings.”

And that “I should let bygones be bygones and call my mother for mother’s day”

OP turned things around on her, stating that maybe her friend should have been a more supportive wife and then maybe her husband wouldn’t have been so abusive.

I told her “so you think if I had done more chores and accepted more parentification as a kid then I wouldn’t have been abused? If it’s too hard to be decent to your kids then you shouldn’t be a parent.

maybe u should’ve helped your abusive ex husband around the house more, maybe u shouldn’t have had dinner 10 minutes late, bc you know his job is stressful and it’s hard being a provider and father.

In fact, maybe she should call him up on Father’s Day and reconcile.

Next.month is father’s day you should call and reconcile with him.

How could I as a child stop the abusive behavior of an adult when as an adult you couldn’t stop your husband from abusing you.”

Her friend burst into tears and while their other friends don’t think OP was wrong to be upset, they do think she took things too far.

She cried and walked off. Our mutual friends agree she was wrong to pressure me to reconcile with my mother but she “meant well and didn’t understand, and you took it too far”

I did it to make a point on how abuse isn’t okay from anyone even your parents.

AITA?

Did she? Let’s see if Reddit thinks so…

The top comment says OP should not be ashamed of cutting toxic people out of her life.

This person agrees the friend had too much nerve.

They say the friend should have been the first one to understand.

And this commenter says they hope her friend really listens up.

It does seem like very few people read the whole Bible.

I don’t think OP was wrong.

But I do hope the two of them can have a rational conversation and patch things up.