6 Gaslighting Phrases People Say To Manipulate You

Depending how long you’ve been trapped in this toxic dynamic, it may be “excruciatingly difficult” to pull yourself out, psychoanalyst Robin Stern previously wrote for Vice. That said, it is possible. 

“The antidote to gaslighting is becoming more self-aware,” Engel said. “The better you know yourself, the better you will be at fending off inaccurate statements about yourself.” 

Keep paying attention to your gut. 

Gaslighting erodes your confidence to the point that you no longer trust your instincts about a situation. But try to stay in touch with whatever you’re feeling;  those emotional signals offer important clues that you don’t want to ignore.  

“When you feel that tension in the pit of your stomach, or a sense of unease with a situation, don’t immediately dismiss that feeling because someone else thinks you should,” Green said. “Investigate what this sensation could be telling you and get more information before making your next move.” 

Hold on to texts and emails. 

That way you have a tangible record of their behavior, which “is helpful when combating the confusion created by a gaslighter,” Thomas said. 

You can also write down notes from your conversations to help you separate fact from fiction.

“Where is the conversation veering off from reality into the other person’s view?” Stern wrote. “Then after you look at the dialogue, write down how you felt. Look for signs of repeated denial of your experience.”

Consider calling out their behavior. 

“Let the other person know you see the manipulation game,” Thomas said. 

For example, if your partner accuses you of being overly sensitive, you can say, “No, I’m not too sensitive. I’m reacting the way anyone would to the way you treat me or the way you act,” Engel suggested. Or, “No, I’m not too sensitive, the problem is you are not sensitive enough.”

But know that even in doing so, their behavior isn’t likely to change. 

Just because you call them out doesn’t mean they’re going to validate your point of view or suddenly see the error in their ways. For this reason, Ferentz said she doesn’t recommend trying to reason with a gaslighter. 

“[They] typically have no intention of changing, so waiting for them to take ownership, genuinely apologize and change their ways will probably only lead to more abuse and make it less likely that the victim will be able to leave,” she said. 

Check in with a trusted friend, family member or a therapist.

Ask a close friend or relative how they would feel if their partner treated or spoke to them the way yours does. See if they’ve noticed you behaving differently since you’ve been with this person. 

“Do you seem to shrink around them, agree with everything that they say, even things that are not in line with your values?” Green said. “Do you really not seem like yourself?”