21 Signs Your Spouse Fell Out Of Love

15.

“It had probably been obvious for a much longer time than I wanted to admit to myself. The last Christmas we had together before separating, we got into a HUGE blowout argument out of nowhere, and he went out of his way to be as hurtful as possible: insulting the Christmas cards that I’d made, calling me nuts like my mother, saying it would be easier to reason with a child, etc. This was all because I stood up for myself when he blamed me for misplacing HIS work pants. The following day, I tried to explain how hurtful the stuff he’d said was, but he just stared at me with this look of contempt on his face, and I knew right then and there we weren’t coming back from that fight.”

“Over a lifetime together, somebody may go nuclear like that on their worst days, but to be absolutely contemptuous of me being hurt by it after that dust had settled, rather than having empathy and apologizing, was it for me. I knew that day there was no way in hell anyone would treat someone they love like that, and looking back, he’d been outright verbally abusive, refused to work on the relationship in any meaningful way, and was mostly indifferent to me for a while. When I left for good was the only time he’d put any effort into starting conversations or proposing counseling, but by then, it was too late. I’d realized he wasn’t ever going to do those things out of genuine care or respect for me, but only because he was facing consequences for the way he treated me. And that’s definitely not love — it’s just self-interest.”

—36, Massachusetts