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“After I uncovered his months-long affair with my sister, he moved into her apartment complex. Betrayed, heartbroken old me couldn’t handle that, so I called the landlord of his new apartment complex and pretended to be our old landlord. I said that he’d been kicked out because we caught him on tape taking dumps in the stairwell every day. The other landlord and I nicknamed him the ‘Serial Stairwell Shitter’ on the spot.”
“Sometime later, I got a call from my mom that my sister had refused to let him be kicked out (they were living in the same apartment) so she’d be thrown out with him. I ended up becoming best friends with his landlord, too — we had a good laugh when I told her what I did. She passed away a few months ago, and I told that story as her eulogy.”