It’s time to get kicked in the pants…by funny marriage tweets!
So what do you say?
Are y’all ready for this?
Get started now!
You can’t win!
How to tell you’re going to lose an argument with your wife:
1. You’re in an argument with your wife
— Mike (@Parentpains) August 26, 2022
Will he ever learn?
Just told my sleeping husband I lost two lbs, to which he replied, with his eyes still closed, “I’ll help you find them. We’ll look later”
— Julie (The Texan Minnesotan) (@juliepafoofnic) August 9, 2022
Come on!
My husband: Ready yet? Ready? About ready? We should go. How much longer do you need?
Me: I’m ready. Let’s go.
My husband: Okay. Let me just go to the bathroom first.
— Halloween 👻 Andi (@smiles_and_nods) September 3, 2022
It’s not easy!
Men would be more humble if some of their clothes zipped up from the back.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 27, 2022
And then spend the rest of the day debating it…
Wife cracks open her eye ever so slightly at 6am
Me: what we thinkin for dinner?! We have those pork chops in the freezer or I could make soup. I’d never turn down pizza either haha
— Pual Chikmo (@PualChikmo) August 14, 2022
He really blew it!
My husband just snuck a glass out of the clean dishwasher and quietly relocked it so he wouldn’t have to unload it. Then he accidentally dropped it and it shattered. Instant karma for the win!
— Killer Candy Corn 👻🎃 (@sixfootcandy) August 26, 2022
On very thin ice…
My husband just said “calm down” like he wants his own Dateline Special.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 9, 2022
It’s gonna be a sultry evening.
Me: Let’s go home, watch a movie in bed and put heating pads on our backs
Wife: I’ve never been so turned on right now— Stefan Gozer Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) September 6, 2022
I think that’s gonna work.
I made dinner reservations for my wife’s birthday and told the host there’s an extra $20 for the bartenders if they ask my wife for ID.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 31, 2022
Every single time.
there are two types of people:
those who require subtitles to watch anything and those who can’t stand to have them on at all
and they marry each other
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 18, 2022
It’s just not worth it…
I don’t know much about women but after many years of marriage one piece of advice I can give is this:
For some reason they just really like the towels folded in thirds.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 28, 2022
And this is where you’re going…
i told my husband i was taking him to a nice farm in the country pic.twitter.com/eEW5D93wno
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) August 23, 2022
Source: https://twistedsifter.com/2022/10/12-funny-marriage-tweets-that-are-a-real-kick-in-the-pants/