What Do Happy Couples Do Differently? Therapists Weigh In.

2. Their conversations go beyond the surface level. 

Talking about quotidian stuff is part of sharing a life: How was work today? Did you empty the dishwasher yet? But people in the happiest relationships understand the value of diving deeper and prioritize more meaningful conversation. 

“They don’t just discuss how their day went and what they thought was funny on YouTube,” Joanne Frederick, a licensed mental health counselor in Washington, D.C., told HuffPost. “They delve into what makes them happy, their dreams, goals and ambitions.”

If you need some inspiration, these questions from psychologist Arthur Aron can be great conversation starters.

3. They give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Happy couples assume positive intent. When their partner disappoints them or hurts their feelings, they don’t jump to conclusions like “They only care about themselves” or “If they loved me more, they wouldn’t have done that”   

Instead, they start the conversation by saying, “I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but I want you to know that I felt hurt when you did X,” Delawalla said. “Then the conversation can quickly move on to attending to the hurt feelings or problem-solving so it doesn’t happen again.”

This approach allows couples to be more forgiving with each other and helps both parties move forward more quickly, she added. 

4. They pursue their own hobbies and interests.

In the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it’s not uncommon for couples to want to spend almost all of their time together, Frederick said. But as time goes on, it’s important for both partners to nurture their individual interests, hobbies and friendships separate from the romantic relationship. 

“One partner might want to join a book club while another might want to be in a tennis league,” Frederick said. “Happy couples take an interest in the activities that their partner is engaging in. A successful marriage does not mean that the couple is joined at the hip 24/7. In a marriage with trust, both partners feel secure enough that the other can pursue hobbies that fulfill them.”