This Dad Seems To Be Asking Whether Or Not Playing Favorites Among Children Is Wrong

If you asked parents to answer honestly, many might confess to having a favorite child. That said, I think those same parents would say they go out of their way to make sure their children could never guess who that favorite was.

OP here, though, doesn’t seem quite so careful.

His son struggled in school and, in his words, struggles as an adult to stick to the things he starts.

So, when he decided to do HVAC trade school, OP bribed him with a brand-new truck if he completed the program.

I (56M) have a son (28M) and a daughter (22F). I like both of my kids equally however they are different individuals with different lives so I help them based on their needs.

My son did not do well in high school and went to a community college and decided it was not for him after a semester and went to trade schools and eventually settled on HVAC. He had issues sticking to things, so as a reward when he became certified in HVAC I bought him a brand new truck as gift.

His daughter is academically-minded and has plans to attend University out of state. She was caught off guard when she learned she would not be getting a car, too, and also seemed upset when her father refused to pay any of her tuition.

My daughter got into a good college out of state and was always more academically minded. When she was about to finish HS it came to a surprise to me that she had taken it for granted that I would also get her a new car even though I never said that. I explained that there would be no need for a college girl in a big city to have a car.

She then asked if I could help with tuition, I did not pay for trade school either so I declined.

His thinking was that he didn’t pay for his son’s trade school, and also the truck was a graduation gift, not something he earned before finishing.

He and his daughter came to an agreement in which he would buy a used car that she could use as long as she maintained it. She went above and beyond, paying for detailing and a new paint job.

Eventually she seemed down so I offered to buy a used car in my name, and she could use it for a while until I decided to sell it but she would have to maintain it. She seemed really happy with that so we got an old 99 BMW for really cheap. The body was in good condition, but the engine and transmission needed work and it needed painting.

She did the essential fixes first but then slowly did unnecessary ones even though I never asked for that and repainted most of the car and had the interior detailed.

Before she had even finished a year of school, he decided it was a good time to see what he could get for it. She was upset, thinking that she would be able to drive it at least through graduation, and pointed out that the car was worth more now.

When she came back for a visit this week after finishing her finals, I decided it was time to sell the car and listed it. She seems upset with me even though we had agreed to it and I never asked her to repaint the car. She said she thought I was going to sell it much later when it rusted or something.

She also says I can sell it more expensive because of her fixes but the reality is I got the car just before the pandemic and used cars cost a lot more since and that is why I can sell it for more.

After some thought, he agreed to pay her back for half of the car improvement costs, but she still seems upset, so he’s wondering whether or not he’s done something wrong.

I offered to pay her back for the half of the paintwork.

AITA here?

EDIT: ok seems people think it was wrong, but my son only got the truck after schooling and my daughter has not finished school yet. I have not thought of her graduation gift yet. But the car is only listed and I will think about it and reconsider.

Enter Reddit, so hold onto your hat.

The top comment says, in no uncertain terms, that OP is playing favorites.

This person doesn’t think OP gave his daughter any real gift at all.

Image Credit: Reddit

This commenter has some pretty harsh words for OP that he might need to hear.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person didn’t mince words, either.

Image Credit: Reddit

They don’t think OP is doing either child any favors.

Image Credit: Reddit

Yeah, this doesn’t seem like fair treatment at all.

I wonder how long the daughter will be calling and visiting after she’s able to move out on her own. I would guess not long.