Is It OK For Romantic Partners Living Together To Want Their Own Space?

I wish that everyone would stop and realize that there’s no right way to do a relationship. Whatever works for the people involved is right for them, and really, no one else has the right to judge.

OP has never had her own space or own room, even though she has always craved that privacy.

I had never had my own room growing up and share a room with a roommate in my current living situation to save up money. I always felt the need to share and felt guilty when I wanted to be alone in my room but couldn’t since someone else was there.

The only time I had a room all to myself was when my roommate or sibling was away. Even so, I didn’t feel like I truly had a room to myself.

Now she’s getting married, and since she and fiancee will have a space with three whole bedrooms, she’s told him she wants to use one of them as “her” room, where she can be alone when she wants to.

I (24F) and my fiancé (25M) are moving into a small 3 bedroom house together in a couple of months.

When discussing the use for one of the spare rooms in our soon to be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself when I want to be alone.

He, however, figured one of the extra rooms would be a gym and the other his office.

And anyway, aren’t they moving in together so they can be together, not spend time apart?

My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for an at home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs to work from home.

I argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and I should be allowed to use the other one for myself.

I told him that I was looking forward to having a space all to myself, where I can be alone when I want, and am the only person that has access to.

He argued that the point of moving in together was to share everything with each other and not just coexist in the same space.

He doesn’t understand why it can’t be a guest room that either of them can use.

He said he would change his mind on wanting a gym if we agreed to turn the second room into a guest bedroom that both of us can use when we want to be in our own space. I feel like I would still be sharing.

If I have a room to myself to use and he wants to be alone at times, I can just go into my own room, and give him the space he wants. We would be splitting expenses 50/50 so I don’t think I am being that unreasonable.

AITA for wanting to have my own room?

OP is wondering whether or not she’s done something wrong in wanting her own space in the relationship, and Reddit’s got some wise answers for her!

The top comment points out that his behavior is a little concerning, and they should definitely talk about, because wanting some space of your own isn’t wrong.

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This person goes a bit further, worrying that some serious red flags were being flown by the partner.

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This comment is kinder, but does suggest OP do some serious soul-searching.

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Pretty much everyone agreed OP should have her room, and that at the very least, a conversation is in order.

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This commenter even believed there were really no a$$holes here.

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I definitely don’t think she’s wrong.

I hope once she explains the reasons for her request her fiancee will come around.