Her Friend’s Partner Stayed Away From Her Because He Didn’t Like Her. When She Found Out… So She Went Off! Was She Wrong?

If you read this post carefully, you’re going to see OP getting offended at the way someone else describes her behavior…and then behaving exactly that way in a totally ironic way.

It’s amazing.

OP has had a friend for several years that she really enjoys. When they first met they were single, but since then, her friend met and married a man OP did not particularly care for.

Her main objections seem to be his drinking, swearing, love of football, and lack of “refinement” categorized by his unwillingness to attend musical theater.

I (38f) have known ‘Ally’ (40f) for 15 years. We first met at work when were single and the youngest people there. We became good friends and socialised together and still do.

Ally then met her partner ‘Matt’ who she is still with years later.

He does not share her interests. He is an avid football supporter (UK) and very anti the rival football team. Even when he doesn’t go to watch matches live, he watches at the pub with male friends.

He plays sport with his friends. She’s a football widow. She likes going to the theatre and to dinner. He’ll go to dinner with her but doesn’t much enjoy the theatre unless it’s a serious play (she likes musicals) and she ends up going with female friends.

She says she doesn’t mind, they aren’t joined at the hip and she has plenty of friends and relatives who enjoy going to the theatre with her and that she doesn’t want to go to football. I wonder…

Not only that, but when asked whether or not she liked the new (then) boyfriend, OP let loose with her actual feelings.

I am known for being brutally honest. When she introduced me to Matt, she asked my opinion and I gave it. I didn’t really see them together. I didn’t like that he drinks and swears. He has a professional job but isn’t very ‘refined’ unlike her and I found him a bit difficult to connect to.

He does encourage her friend to enjoy the theater, however, and since they have had children makes sure he takes charge of them when the friend wants to spend time with her friends or doing things she enjoys.

At the time she was hurt but got over it and generally just engineered it so I never really saw him. He was always ‘busy’ when I organised a party etc.

They now have 2 young boys and he looks after them when she comes out with her friends.

Lately her opinion of him has improved, as she thinks he is a good father, and also because her new fiancee enjoys his company, too.

TBH more recently my opinion of him has improved. He seems to be a really good daddy to the boys and they clearly adore him. They are also football mad!

It took me longer to meet my SO ‘Edward’ but I now have and we have just got engaged. Ally and Matt both attended our engagement party. Edward actually also likes football and ended up getting on really well with Matt.

She’s suggested that the four of them get together as couples but noticed her friend was always coming alone or making excuses.

Later I asked Ally if she’d be up for doing something as couples, as Edward and Matt got on well. She was non-committal. A few weeks later I tried to arrange something and she accepted for herself but “Matt was busy”.

I explained I wanted to do something with the 4 of us when he was free. She kept stalling.

When she pushed as to why she learned a hard truth of her own – that her friend’s husband didn’t care for her at all, finding her “a lot” and a bit judgmental to boot.

I pushed it (maybe I shouldn’t have) and she said it wasn’t a good idea because he and I didn’t get on. I said it was ok, I’d changed my opinion more recently and Edward liked him.

She looked surprised and then awkwardly let me know it was because he didn’t really like me! She “thought I knew”!

…and OP responded by being super judgmental and kind of a lot, causing her friend to stop responding to her messages altogether.

I didn’t and I was upset – this was news. I asked her why. She was embarrassed but said he found me judgmental and “too much”. I don’t even know what that means. A few other examples as well!

I was hurt and told her I had assumed she kept us apart because I didn’t like him not the reverse. She said that we didn’t get on so what difference did it make.

I’m beyond hurt and did react badly and told her some home truths about him. I regret this now and tried to apologise but she won’t return my calls.

AITA?

Was she wrong to respond in such a way? Should her friend ever speak to her again?

You know Reddit is ready to tell it like it is!

The top commenter thinks some self-reflection might be in order.

This person seems to be confused by how OP cannot see what happened here.

Image Credit: Reddit

Several folks, like this commenter, thought OP had accidentally confirmed everything the friend’s husband thought.

Image Credit: Reddit

Most people on this thread have seen husbands and fathers who were far worse.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person summed it all up nicely.

Image Credit: Reddit

I hope this woman can re-read her post with an open mind.

Based on everything we know about her so far, though, it doesn’t seem likely.