Expirationships: People Are Starting To Put Expiration Dates On Their Relationships. What Are They Learning?

People are (or are trying to) redefine relationships. How they work, who gets to make the calls, how much work everyone puts in, all of it is up for discussion.

Now, people are thinking maybe expiration dates might solve some of the pressure we feel to make things work long term every single time.

You’re typically going to see something like this if you and the other person don’t live locally to each other or have plans to move, but many are thinking it might be a useful tool in other ways, too.

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Laurel House, a relationship expert with eHarmony, weighed in on the idea.

“Expiration dating is dating on purpose. Only the purpose isn’t forever; it’s a purpose that varies from person to person and once fulfilled, the relationship ends.”

Aside from using the concept when you meet someone on vacation, House says people are using them to grow and learn while dating someone they might normally brush aside.

She has some insight as to when – or if – this sort of thing might be something you should explore. Also, she says you’ll know instinctively when the expiration date is up.

“It’s generally very sudden and sharp with a strong knowing that the relationship is over. You might even wake up and look at your partner and wonder why you were with them in the first place. And that’s because you have ingested the information, made the transformation, gotten through and moved out from the space you were in, and now you are ready to move forward with your new self, and not with your old person.”

It’s dating just for the fun of dating, not because you expect to have to put in the kind of work it takes to make things evolve over time.

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You’ll want to make sure you’re both on the same page up front, though, or things could go badly.

“That way there is clarity and you don’t have confusion about where you are or if you are on the same page. That transparency is a huge benefit because there aren’t expectations beyond what it is. You can fully explore your purpose within the relationship and almost assume a personal identity that maybe you haven’t felt the freedom to explore in other relationships within which the end goal is forever.”

If you’re thinking “yeah, but isn’t it inevitable that sometimes real feelings might develop along the way?

House says yes, and you should be prepared.

“One-sided feelings beyond the expirationship expectation can arise. Either you or they might start to develop real relationship-style feelings that can end up doing harm to the person who is experiencing them if those feelings aren’t reciprocated.”

You’ve probably sensed by now that this sort of thing isn’t for everyone. If you’re quick to form attachments or harbor a secret desire to find your forever person, it’s probably best to avoid the potential pitfalls.

“Someone who is on a timeframe to move forward within a relationship – being to get married or have children, shouldn’t start into something that is scheduled to end. Also, someone who has children and likes to involve their children in their relationships, opening the hearts of their children who then form connections and attachments should definitely not start into an experiationship unless they absolutely won’t include their children.”

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Where the relationship goes when the expiration date has passed depends on the two people participating, as ever.

You can decide to set a new expiration date or go ahead and part ways – it’s up to you.

And if you’ve done it right, there won’t be any hard feelings.