It’s no secret that many celebrities often undergo an extreme personality rebranding in order to go after their dreams and have a career in their chosen field.
Eminem, AKA Slim Shady, is a different person than Marshall Mathers. The “Lady Gaga” character developed by Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is a powerhouse that I’m sure took a heck of a lot of work to develop, and I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t say “Childish Gambino” on Donald Glover’s birth certificate, even if that would’ve been a totally boss move from his parents.
It’s a little unnerving sometimes when you discover the real names of your favorite artists, too, which is probably why there are so many pieces that crop up online to tap you on the shoulder and say, “Hey, did you know that so and so’s real name is actually…” and of course you’re going to click on them. Because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t know that Rick Ross’ real name is actually William Leonard Roberts II.
And because there’s never a shortage of emerging talent and new artists, there’ll never be a shortage of surprise when people find out their actual names. And since we’re living in a glorious time of the internet where even the most niche and inside-jokey of trends get the meme-treatment, people have turned the very practice of discovering rappers’ real names into a meme.
And I’m very, very happy that they did, because some of these “real” names are absolutely hilarious. For example, did you know that Cardi B’s name really stands for Cardigan Backyardigan?
All right, so it’s a very simple meme format: you get a template that makes it look like a Google Search result and then you break down a person’s name into two random words that share a tenuous connection to the artist’s stage name.
And it shouldn’t be funny. It shouldn’t make you laugh. I mean people aren’t even really making jokes with it. It’s literally just two words that have zero relation with one another, placed side by side in a fake screenshot.
And I get logically why it shouldn’t make sense. I get logically why it shouldn’t make me laugh, yet here I am cackling away thinking that there might be a universe where someone named Curtis James Jackson III “50th Century,” and that he just goes by 50 Cent for short.
The best part is that the “real names” make even less sense than some of the most nonsensical and silly stage names. Check out our “Gucci Gang” star, Lil Pump below.
Someone managed to squeeze four hilarious fake monikers into one tweet and I have to say, I’m nothing if not impressed. Try and read Eminem’s “actual” name without cracking a smile. Unless you’ve got something against the name Clarence.
I mean if my last name was Coleslaw, I’d probably want to change it too. But if anything he could rap about how he’s the best side on any menu, unless we’re talking about dry coleslaw. Then just call it salad, what the hell.
It wouldn’t have been a funny name list without a cameo from the always excellent Benedict Cumberbatch. The best part of making fun of his name is that they’re only slightly more made up than his actual name.
Yep, nothing to see her, just someone imagining that “The Rock” is short for “Theodore Rockingchair.” The Rock doesn’t look like he sits in rocking chairs. Hit people over the head with steel ones in a ring? Yes.
T-Pain has a longstanding relationship with Johnson & Johnson, if this interpretation of his “actual” name is to be believed. Must be why his auto-tuned crooning is so soothing.
Little known made-up fact: Jay-Z was an extra in all three Lord of the Rings films. How messed up is it that most people only know your country exists because a fantasy movie was set in your beautiful land?
And now, the best for last. No matter how many times I see this one, I keep cracking up laughing. In Maloney we trust.