There isn’t much obviously funny about the month of August, as it’s the last breath of summer, the hottest time of the year, and the precursor to back-to-school.
August jokes for all ages
1. Q: On the first day of school, what did the teacher say her three favorite words were?
A: June, July & August.
2. Is today really August? Or are Julying to me?
3. Q: Don’t June know it’s August?
A: I can’t December.
4. Q: Knock, knock!
A: Who’s there?
Q: August!
A: August… who?
Q: A gust of wind over 74 MPH could be the start of a hurricane!
5. The doctor has given me two months to live. I’ve chosen August and December, because I like summer but don’t want to miss Christmas.
6. My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.
7. Everyone keeps posting about Mayweather, but I’m 99% sure it’s August.
8. Looking for a hot date? Pick any day in August, they don’t get much hotter than that!
9. The Assassination of Julius Caesar:
Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn’t expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion: “8/2, Brute…”
10. My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in August!” I said, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers… It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them…
11. My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short.
12. Sorry the only responses to your August birthday party invitations are out of office replies!
Summer jokes for the whole family
13. Q: Do fish go on vacation?
A: No because they’re always in school!
14. Q: Where do sharks go for summer vacation?
A: Finland!
15. Q: Where do ants travel for summer vacation?
A: Frants!
16. Q: What do you call a Labrador at the beach in August?
A: A hot dog!
17. Q: What does a bee do when it’s hot?
A: He takes off his yellow jacket
18. Q: Why do bananas use sun screen?
A: Because they peel.
19. Q: Which letter is the coolest?
A: Iced T!
20. Q: What do you get when you combine an elephant with a fish?
A: Swimming trunks!
21. Q: What do you do if you get rejected from a job at a sun screen factory?
A: Reapply!
22. Q: What does the sun drink out of?
A: Sunglasses!
23. Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer day?
A: I’m bacon!