I keep asking you to send me your weird, confusing, and cringeworthy dating app screenshots, and you keep over-delivering! So, here’s another batch of dreadful images that are bound to make you say, “Yikessss.”
1.
This person whose ideal soulmate is probably a mannequin:
My response: The vibes are rancid! OK, so maybe you don’t want to be with a pessimist who complains about everything. Sure, whatever. But, to slip in there that your ideal person also doesn’t “talk a lot” is a bit of an eyebrow-raiser. Like, just date a cardboard cutout then??? God forbid the person you’re dating actually talks to you and has opinions, right?
2.
This painful play on words:
My response: Everything about this, down to the choice of emoji, makes me queasy. I need to lie down.
3.
This guy who didn’t even give the other person a chance to respond before losing his cool:
My response: Let me get this straight: this bozo took a day to respond to the cheeky “Haha charmer 😋” text but expected an INSTANT reply? You can tell their two messages were sent AT LEAST WITHIN the same day, probably in the same hour. Why did they fly off the handle like that? Smells like insecurity to me!
4.
This person with no sense of humor:
My response: You 👏 pick 👏 your 👏 own 👏 prompts 👏 on 👏 Hinge 👏!!!!! No one, not a soul, forced this person to choose this prompt for their profile. They saw it, chose to click it, and decided to answer it this way. WHY?
My response: Not to say that “deep souls with profound capabilities of sentiment and thought” can’t also be looking for short-term fun and nothing deeper, but I can’t help but see an obvious contradiction here. This person choose to input what type of relationship they wanted on their profile. “Short-term fun” just doesn’t seem to match the vibes expressed in their bio. 🤷♀️
6.
This man who seems like he’s fully trying to cheat???:
My response: So, this person specifies that they’re not single, but they’re also not in a poly or open situation. They also say they’re attached and happy, but their needs aren’t being met, and they’re clearly looking for an external sexual relationship. HUH? Folks, please just don’t cheat on your partners.
7.
This raunchy request right off-the-bat:
My response: Has an opener like this, on Hinge of all places, ever worked??? It’s even typed in such a lazy way. If there’s zero effort in even the pickup line, chances are there will also be zero effort in the bedroom. Next!
8.
This guy who is totallyyy not jaded:
My response: If I sit here and try to unpack all of this, I will certainly burst into flames. I think it all boils down to this: someone sounds a little butt-hurt. Also, fascinating comment about bras. Wild to me that this person who claims to be attracted to women is also so repulsed by boobs?
9.
This guy who sounds just delightful:
My response: There’s a fine line when it comes to self-deprecating humor. A little bit can be playful and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously or are able to take a joke/poke fun at yourself. But, there’s also self-deprecating humor that goes a bit too far and loses any humorous charm. This bio comes across as incredibly insecure and like the person is blaming women for their own inability to successfully date. ALSO, the bit about slamming the door in a date’s face?! Jokes about hostility or violence in dating app bios probably NEVER translate well. Why is that the place for a remark like that? Few people find that attitude attractive or even tolerable, TBH.
My response: Man, I don’t even know what to say about this one except that it is WILD. Like, dang, where did that one come from??
11.
This guy who gave a little TMI:
My response: OK, yeah, that’s a little TMI. Why does your fully-grown 30-year-old friend need that much help getting laid? This just feels like such a weird “flex” to open a conversation with. Like, you could’ve left out the “getting your friend laid” detail, I think??
12.
This fellow who was all about following up:
My response: OMG, his offer expires! You better get on that before it’s too late!!! Or he’s gonna find someone else!!! Oh no!!! Literally at 2:00 a.m. Goodbye.
13.
This person who isn’t a fan of self-reflection:
My response: Again, you pick the prompts yourself. Definitely could’ve kept this one to yourself. I doubt it really serves the rest of the profile.
My response: Ahh, yes. Nothing like a 35-year-old grown man who’s looking to cop your Disney+ login. Okay, okay. The beginning of the bio is totally fine, so I don’t want to go too hard here. It’s just that last sentence that makes me cringe a little.
My response: Remember like 12 years ago when everyone was suddenly super obsessed with bacon and you could essentially buy bacon “merch” everywhere? That’s what I’m getting from this profile. Also, a man who is almost 40 putting “dig bick” in his Bumble profile? Good god.
16.
This person who must be real fun at parties:
My response: I’m really starting to feel like a broken record here, but, let me say it one more time: YOU CHOOSE WHAT PROMPTS YOU WANT TO PUT ON YOUR HINGE PROFILE. If this is the best you can do, are you really ready to be putting yourself out there? Choose something else or skip it entirely.
17.
This bio that feels…preachy:
My response: Hey, I’ve got no issues with wanting to spread love and positivity. Dating can be super vulnerable and scary, so feeling supported during that process is really nice. Having someone to talk to is also great. I’m definitely just taken aback to see this on Tinder. I really hope this person is better than me. I hope they’re really out here spreading positivity and not pushing an agenda. But, also, I hope they recognize that some people may not want/need their prayers, and their approach will not necessarily sit well with everyone. It can be perceived as a kind invitation, but it can also be perceived as self-righteous. But, like most things on Tinder, if it’s not your “thing,” swipe left.
18.
This bio that devolved into madness:
My response: The first half did notttt prepare me for the second half, TBH. You know, there’s such a thing as putting too much in a bio. You don’t have to lead with your interest in being called “daddy.”
19.
This person who maybe should just not be on the apps for a while:
My response: Once I saw the first half, I didn’t need to see the second half. The second half is perfectly pleasant, but it’s totally overshadowed and ruined by the first half!!! I don’t really understand these bios that do a 180. Taking time for yourself and stepping back from the dating scene is perfectly okay!! If you know you’re not in a position to date, then don’t date.
20.
This approach that screams “Honesty is NOT always the best policy”:
My response: Remember what I said about self-deprecating humor? Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I feel like this is one of those times where it doesn’t quite land. Probably because the word “murderer” was thrown into the mix. It’s just not a word people often seek out while dating.
21.
This wild use of emojis:
My response: It’s like a fun, little game of Pictionary. I think I cracked the code! Kinda wish I hadn’t, though!
22.
This bio with a bit of an attitude:
My response: I don’t think this person is putting their best foot forward with this bio. This feels snarky, but not in a playful way. It’s giving off some insecure vibes, and I can’t imagine this is an approach that invites a lot of conversations.
23.
And, this bio that, I’ll admit, made me laugh out loud:
My response: This fully cracked me up; I’m so serious. The emoji choice is the cherry on top. As far as bios go, it’s not really my style, and I can understand why others may not like it. But, even so, I giggled. I know it’s not original and you can straight-up buy a sticker with this quote on Etsy, but whatever. A laugh’s a laugh and I’ll take it.
Oh boy!! If you have a dating app screenshot you’d like featured in an upcoming post, submit it here!
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahdobro/the-worst-dating-app-screenshots