Maybe you have baby fever and cannot wait to have one of your own. Or maybe you stay as far away as you can from children because you would rather keep your freedom. Either way, you are going to find these baby memes hilarious.
Old people and Jimmy Buffett go together like Jimmy Buffett fans and all-inclusive beach resort vacations. Or Jimmy Buffett fans and Acapulco shirts. Or Jimmy Buffett fans and anything Margaritaville.
The easy-living, beach-loving lifestyle has a certain appeal to retirees who’ve put up with their fair amount of crap in life and just want to take it easy, and it only makes sense that they’d be obsessed with Jimmy Buffett, as he’s pretty much the patron saint of piña colada songs that are actually about cheating on your spouse but discovering they were trying to cheat on you too, so it’s all just big HA-HA good time.
And in what happens to be the most brilliant business move I’ve seen in a very long time, Jimmy Buffett has announced that he’s going to open a line of Margaritaville-inspired retirement homes so party-loving senior citizens can play out the rest of their golden years literally living in a Jimmy Buffett song.
The homes are called Latitude Margaritaville and the first crop of retirement communities will be based in — where else? Florida.
So far, Buffett and Co. have Daytona Beach, Hilton Head, and Watersound locations on deck, and the communities’ website is packed with stunning images that’ll have you counting down the days till you can cash out your pension and relax on a beach, waiting to die with a drink in your hand, a smile on your face, and beautiful scenery to soak in.
The pitch on the community’s website sure sounds enticing, and it’s pretty much all the coercion any Buffett-Head will need to immediately sign on the dotted line.
“It’s always been that happy place in your mind, the spirit of adventure in your soul. It’s the state of mind when it all comes together in one of life’s perfect moments. When your mind wanders to this paradise, why not follow it home?”
And judging by the photos and renderings of this retirement community, it definitely looks like the kind of place that self-proclaimed “Parrotheads” would love to kick back and relax in.
This particular location isn’t situated on a beachfront, but it’s been set up so that nearly every home in it has a view of blue water. Pretty magical.
The sales center is a good indication of what these units are going to look like inside.
Seriously, just by looking at these pictures you’re going to feel like the Buff-Man himself came and punched you in the face while handing you a piña colada.
I mean, it just doesn’t get any more Jimmy Buffett-ey than this. You can almost hear the oxygen masks and quiet murmurs of “this is real music” while looking at these photos.
The same aesthetic carries into the individual units that boast island-getaway-themed names like Jamaica, Antigua, Barbuda, Nevis, Coconut, Parrot, Breeze, Aruba and Trinidad. The Jamaica home pictured below also packs a swimming pool and hot tub inside a sunroom, in case you want to soak up some rays off the sand.
Now, I haven’t found anything that confirms this in the literature, but judging from the promo photos, it appears that every single room comes complete with a margarita that magically spawns out of nowhere. Pretty sick.
What’s even crazier is that each development will get occasional performances from Jimmy himself on the community’s band stage. They’ve seriously thought of everything.
And although the concept of Latitude Margaritaville sounds like the premise for an epic comedy sketch, it’s just another instance of great ideas from the king of laid-back tropical-themed chill music.
The fact that Escape to Margaritaville was made into a Broadway musical is yet another genius business move.
Think about it: You’re an older-than-middle-aged couple with some disposable income and you want something to do on your date night. Maybe you live in Northern New Jersey. You want to go see a Broadway musical, but your kids have made you sick of everything Disney by the time you hit 40, so that’s out of the question. That’s when you actually take your neighbor Tina’s advice for once, and remember how she gushed about the amazing time she had watching the Jimmy Buffett musical with Francis last weekend.
Buffett’s laid-back way of life is also an official school of thought. No, literally, there’s a Margaritaville University.
Technically, it’s just an excuse to get a bunch of students to party, but the website shows that it’s pretty serious about getting the “Margaritaville” mindset into as many college campuses as possible.
Buffett’s become so successful on selling people ‘the idea of Jimmy Buffett’ that he inevitably hasn’t lived the lifestyle he preaches for a while. A fact that the New York Times pointed out in this piece on the singer.
If you feel like living the Margaritaville-lifestyle without enrolling in school or buying a place in a senior home, and Jimmy Buffett concerts aren’t enough for you, you could, of course, always book a few nights in a Margaritaville resort.
Locations are opening everywhere, and not just on sunny beaches. There’s one coming to NYC, which will be interesting to see, to say the least.
Buffett’s turned the beach bum lifestyle into a profitable business, and it’s not difficult to see why that wasn’t hard: Who doesn’t want to day-drink on a beach whenever they feel like it and shirk their uncomfortable daily responsibilities?
Here’s a rundown of everything UnREAL has revealed (and confirmed) about The Bachelor:
As someone who loves reality TV, I have a lot to thank UnREAL for. The show, now on its fourth and final season, which is available to stream on Hulu, has pretty much uncovered the truth behind reality TV that we’ve all been too afraid to admit. From clever editing to straight-up unethical producer manipulations, the show has proven that our favorite guilty pleasures are guilty for a reason.
The show, created by former Bachelor producer Sarah Gertrude Shapiro, goes behind the scenes of a fictional dating reality show called Everlasting. Although fictional, many plots are based off Sarah’s experience working on The Bachelor, and many former Bachelor contestants and crew members have even admitted that the depictions on UnREAL are scarily accurate. In fact, in case you need a recap, here’s a rundown of everything UnREAL has revealed (and confirmed) about The Bachelor:
Producers are paid for starting drama.
On UnREAL, producers are given bonuses or promotions for creating the most drama with contestants, turning the production into a bizarre competition of who can manipulate contestants the most. It sounds like something dreamed up in the writers’ room, but nope, it’s true. Although are you really that surprised?
“To motivate the producing team, [former supervising producer Scott] Jeffress offered cash incentives. He kept a wad of crisp $100 bills in the pocket and promised one to anyone who delivered strong drama. The first producer to get tears? A hundred bucks! You get Michel to make out with the right girl? A Hundred bucks! Catch a chicken puking on camera? A hundred bucks!”
Producers pretend they’re the contestants’ best friends to gain their trust.
On UnREAL, the producers are incredibly close to the participants, acting like a best friend who’s there to help steer the contestant through the crazy reality TV landscape. Through this closeness, contestants trust the producers and open up to them, revealing their deepest secrets that producers later use to stir up drama. According to former Bachelor contestant Olivia Caridi, this aspect of the show is hardly fiction.
“There are five or so main producers who each have a certain amount of girls,” she told The Real Pod. She recalled how her producer was like her “best friend” but ultimately manipulated her behind-the-scenes. “There are people from the franchise who have remained friends with their producers, but I will never speak to [my producer] again… I wonder how they sleep at night, honestly.”
However, not all contestants hate their producers. The ones who leave with favorable edits often have a very different interpretation of the experience, like this anonymous account from a former Bachelor participant:
You get to be so close with the producers. I have stronger relationships and friendships, overall, with my producers than I do with the other contestants. They’re your therapist, the only people you can really speak to open and honestly. You know that to a certain extent you’re being manipulated by them, yes; you know that they’re being extremely sweet and sensitive because they need to get a certain reaction from you. But you do get to a point where you ignore it and you’re just like, this is my friend and I’m just talking to my friend, I don’t even care. It’s really weird and it’s honestly something that you can’t even understand fully if you’re not in that position.
Being locked inside places is kind of the norm.
The first episode of UnREAL begins with a bunch of contestants locked in a limo, with some complaining that they have to go to the bathroom. But apparently, being locked in places, from hotel rooms to even closets, is just another unfortunate side effect of being on reality TV.
“When you sign up for The Bachelor, you’re allowing [the producers] to take away your freedom, basically, for as long as you’re on the show,” the anonymous Bachelor participant said. “When you go through casting, they confine you to a hotel room. The week leading into filming, you’re also confined to your hotel room. You’re confined to the house from the moment you’ve arrived.”
For Olivia, her experience was the same. “They take your phones, there’s no internet,” she said, “you are basically just watching TV all day.”
Producers control the romance, too.
On UnREAL, it feels like the producers control everything, sometimes even orchestrating actual kisses to make-out sessions. In the Bachelor world, contestants aren’t forced to do anything they don’t want to do, however, they are coerced by the crew.
According to former Bachelor executive producer Scott Jeffrees, the show often asks the bachelor or bachelorette to keep certain contestants around just for drama. “We would say, ‘We’d like you to keep this one because she’s good for TV, and this other one we’d like you to get to know better,” he told Amy in her book.
But ultimately, the final choice is up to the bachelor/bachelorette, although producers try hard to get the storylines they want. For example, it was revealed in Bachelor Nation that former Bachelorette contestant Chris Bukowski was pressured by producer Elan Gale to propose to a girl he “couldn’t stand.”
“You’ve got to do it. This is going to fix your image so much. America’s going to fall in love with you guys,” Chris said Gale told him. Fortunately, he didn’t go along with the plan. Smart.
Contestants are assigned character traits, like “the villain” or “the slut.”
This one is definitely true. After all, when has The Bachelor not had a villain? “If there’s one thing that’s really real about UnREAL, it’s the fact that each person has a certain personality trait that the producers use to create a character,” an anonymous Bachelor contestant revealed. “I was definitely aware of what the producers were going to focus on as my ‘character’ while taping.”
However, if you ever get stuck as “the villain,” you probably won’t even know until it’s too late. “I thought I was just going to be myself the entire time, which is where I screwed up,” Olivia said, who was edited to be the villain of her season. “During filming I’d always ask her, ‘Am I the villain?’ and she’d always say, ‘No, no, no, you’re fine, you’re fine.’ Then I’d watch an episode and think, ‘What the f–k was that?’ At the end of the season, she sent me a book about strong women or something. I threw that s–t in the trash.”
“Frankenbiting,” or editing video to make contestants say things they didn’t say, is pretty darn common.
This little editing trick is used shockingly often. “Let’s say the bachelor says, ‘I do not want to go on a date with Trish,'” Amy writes in her book. “If an editor took out the word ‘do not’ making the sentence ‘I want to go on a date with Trish’ — that would be a Frankenbite.”
According to Olivia, it happened to her when she famously cried about her cankles to bachelor Ben Higgins after he revealed to her that he had just lost two of his friends in a car accident. “They didn’t air me talking about the death of his friends, obviously,” she said. Instead, they edited that part out to focus on the part where Ben asked her to share a hurtful story of hers. “That was like the really big moment I realized — if that’s what they did with that scene then who knows what they could do with the rest of it.”
Another “frankenbite” example involves Bachelor in Paradise contestant Joshua Albers. On the show, he told a story about buying $30 coconuts full of molly, however he later told TMZ that the editing made it look like he bought the coconuts when really he was talking about a friend. After seeing the show, he had to have an embarrassing phone call with his parents. “I don’t know how Bachelor in Paradise producers sleep at night,” he said.
The “hit list” is real, too.
Although many former employers and participants of The Bachelor maintain that there’s no hooking up between contestants and the production crew, there was a storyline on season two of UnREAL where crew members had a “hit list” of girls they wanted to hook up with after the show. And according to actress Shiri Appleby, who plays Rachel, it’s definitely real.
“I think this year we have like a hit list of the girls that the guys can hook up [with] once they’ve gotten off the show, and that I hear is a real thing,” she said on an episode of Watch What Happens Live. “Yeah, that, like, once the contestants are kicked off, that the crew sort of has dibs on who they can sleep with. They’re sort of angling on them and give them close-ups to let them know they’re interested in them and once they get kicked off, or even sometimes I think while they’re still on the show, crew guys hook up with them.”
Quinn and Chet are based on real people.
On UnREAL, executive producer Quinn King has an affair with drug-addled creator Chet Wilton. It sounds like a soap opera, but their relationship is actually based on the real-life dynamic between former Bachelor producer Lisa Levenson and Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss. According to allegations in Bachelor Nation, Mike was “high every day” and was spotted flirting with Lisa even though he was still married to his first wife at the time.