Some Things I Do When It’s 2 AM And All I Can Think About Is You

I embrace solitude. Find comfort within the walls of the fortress I’ve built around myself. I like it there. It’s safe. No one can get to me. I plant my own gardens. I tend to each flower the way only I can. The only way I can. Alone.

Always so alone.

I don’t want anyone to trespass. The last time I let anyone into these labyrinths, all I was left with were fields of withered petals. I still haven’t been able to mask the scent of decay from the air.

I do not want anyone’s hands on me. When they touch me, I let them only because I know I won’t feel anything.

I don’t want to feel anything.

But you look at me like searching for my history. You lock pale green eyes with mine like you’re trying to figure me out. When your gaze lingers it feels as if you want to see everything. I almost feel like you can see through me. It’s so intimate. It scares me. That Saturday night downtown, I welcomed your hand above my knee, a place where a lot of other men’s hands have been, not because I thought I wouldn’t feel anything, but because you look at me in a way very few have. Because I felt some sort of buzzing inside. I’m a little afraid because I don’t want to feel anything. And ever since then, I can feel your presence lurking around at the gates.

And here I am, 2 AM again, seventh time in two weeks that I can’t sleep. Seventh time all I can think about is you. Your kiss. How when you press your lips against mine I can tell you’re different. I don’t know where your heart is at, and I don’t really care, because you kiss me like I am precious.

I lay here and think about Room 711. Your warm skin blanketing mine. The way you arranged and rearranged your limbs with mine all throughout the night. How I want to keep learning their language.

I begin to wonder how you sleep when it’s only you in the bed. It’s got me thinking about the way your bed may look. I try to imagine the way it feels. I write in my journal, trying to push thoughts of you off a cliff because I’m thinking about you more than I’m comfortable with. But minutes later, I look down, and suddenly I’m reading, I want to waste a whole day away under his covers.

I throw my pen on the floor as if it were in flames.

It’s no use because my hands are too. I wish you were here to see what I am doing with them. Touching every place yours have been, every place you made me feel something. I’m traveling from my neck to the dip at the base of my throat, to my left breast, to my right, up and down again. When I finally make it between my thighs, I’m picturing not just your hands, but the way your mouth felt drowning me in its waves and catching me in its undertow. Even down there, at the bottom of the sea, where we were all salt and all sweat, I swear I could see the constellations rearranging themselves, the stars smiling, watching my fists grip on to the sheets.

It’s 2 AM and I pick my pen back up because I’m a lost cause. It’s 2 AM and before this night, I never knew what it was like to find inspiration in masturbating.

I write poetry about how I want to taste myself on your tongue again. I write about the way you reach out for me, how delicate I feel with my hand in your hand, your palm splayed at the small of my back, your thumb going over that spot above my knee. About those two dimples right at each corner of your lips, how I try not to think about kissing each when you lean into me. I write about you kissing these same lips so many others have, but how somehow when you do, I don’t feel numb. It’s been a while since I felt a kiss, and when your lips are locked with mine, I feel it everywhere.

It’s 2 AM and the thought sends me to your Instagram page because I want to see you. I wish I could hear you and maybe I click on a video. Your voice doesn’t stop at my ears, it does something to me.

It’s 2 AM and I’m writing things I’m not familiar with. Things I’d rather not be writing. Things I’d rather no one knew. Things I’d rather you never read.

It’s 2 AM and I’m going with it, even if it doesn’t go anywhere.

It’s 2 AM and all I can think about is you.

It’s 2 AM and I can feel the gates opening.

It’s 2 AM and I’m afraid.

It’s 2 AM and I’m falling asleep to the thought of you holding me, thinking that I’m glad we met. TC mark

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Your Vice vs. Your Virtue, According To Your Zodiac

As humans, we are imperfect. We live in a world with both good and evil, lightness and darkness, and virtues and vices. Read on to find out what your vices and virtues are, according to your Zodiac:


(March 21-April 19)

Your Vice: Your temper and hot headed personality. When you start to get upset, you easily fly off the handle.

Your Virtue: Your optimistic innocence. You look at the world with an open and adventurous perspective.


(April 20-May 20)

Your Vice: Your stubborn nature and occasional inability to compromise. You lack a certain flexibility and can be very selfishly set in your ways.

Your Virtue: Your unyielding loyalty and friendship. While you protect your interests first, once someone enters your circle of trust you start to become mindful of them and their needs.


(May 21-June 20)

Your Vice: You can be quite flakey and unreliable at times. You have trouble following through and often choose to change your plans at the last minute.

Your Virtue: Your bubbly and energetic personality is contagious. You constantly keep people on their toes as your genuine curiosity elevates any social situation.


(June 21-July 22)

Your Vice: Your moodiness and sensitivity. You experience emotions strongly and tend to wear your heart on your sleeve. Rather than putting things in perspective, you are quick to take things personally and assume the worst.

Your Virtue: Your nurturing and caring nature. You love fiercely and you want the absolute best for those in your life. While you tend to love quickly and deeply, your love is also constant and unyielding.


(July 23-August 24)

Your Vice: You often think that you know what’s best. While confidence is important, you can be very self-centered and a bit unsympathetic.

Your Virtue: You are a natural born leader and will always rise to the occasion. Your ability to confidently make decisions and speak your mind is absolutely astounding.


(August 23-September 22)

Your Vice: In your world, everything has it’s own place and purpose. You can be a bossy and controlling in order to keep everything the way you like it.

Your Virtue: You are ambitious and an incredibly hard worker. You love organization and you inspire others to succeed.


(September 23-October 22)

Your Vice: You can often be shallow and overly sensitive. You take things to heart and can easily get bogged down by what people say about you.

Your Virtue: Your charming and friendly persona is an absolute delight. You have an attractive personality that is both alluring and approachable.


(October 23-November 21)

Your Vice: Your stubborn nature as well as your poor confrontational abilities often leads you to hold onto a grudge for a long time. You can also quickly spiral into emotions of rage and sadness.

Your Virtue: You are dominant and passionate in all that you do. Even when others think they are leading, you are secretly in control the entire time. You live intimately and have a profound appreciation for the world around you.


(November 22-December 21)

Your Vice: You often resort to immature behavior and tendencies. At times you can be impulsive and make decisions that are not wise.

Your Virtue: Your ability to diffuse tense situations is remarkable. You have fantastic comedic timing and can make any moment playful and light-hearted.


(December 22-January 19)

Your Vice: You are incredibly obsessed with success. At times you can be dishonest or superficial in order to get ahead.

Your Virtue: You are ambitious and protective. You are empowered by success and will stop at nothing until you complete your goal.


(January 20-February 18)

Your Vice: You let your intelligence get in the way of your emotions. At times you can be unattached and inconsiderate.

Your Virtue: Your intelligence and independence make you incredibly strong and productive. You are not afraid of a challenge and you strive under pressure.


(February 19-March 20)

Your Vice: You can be lazy and pessimistic. You often spend hours dreaming and thinking as you are only proactive with the things that inspire you. You have a deep love of the universe, but the horrors of reality often bring you down.

Your Virtue: You are artistic and introspective. It is easy for you to connect with others on a deeper level as you love to theorize and collaborate. Your willingness to express yourself is unmatched. TC mark

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Celebs Are Obsessed With Healing Crystals, but What the Eff Are They?


Celebrities are crazy about healing crystals. Here’s a guide to what they are and their meanings.

In case you haven’t noticed, crystals are having a moment. Gone are the days where “healing crystals” were something only your hippie grandma used to peddle. Now they’re being touted by celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, and Adele. But it’s not for fashion purposes. Collectors say crystals have special healing powers that flush negative energy and even cure ailments. 

Although crystals have been around forever, they’ve only recently started taking off again around 2017, with Google searches for “crystal healing” increasing by 40 percent just over the past year alone. Although there are tons of hip retailers and Etsy sellers taking advantage of the trend (Free People sells clear crystal quartz for the insane price of $119), its biggest enthusiasts are celebrities. 

In fact, Kim even released a line of crystal-inspired perfumes in adorable clear quartz bottles last year. Her love of crystals began after the traumatic Paris situation where she was robbed at gunpoint. After the incident, friends and family gave her healing crystals as gifts.

“I wasn’t really into them,” she told Entertainment Tonight. “I didn’t know much about them. Enough people brought them over that I loved the shape, I loved holding it, and I felt like: ‘OK, this is it. I want something that I feel like calms me, is healing…'”

And it’s not just Kim. Celebrities are legit nuts about crystals. Supermodel Naomi Campbell refuses to fly without them, Kate Hudson keeps rose quartz in her pocket, and Robin Thicke once paid $20,000 for an amethyst stone. I mean, if Lady Gaga is getting naked and covering herself in quartz crystals, surely there must be something to all this, right?

You might be rolling your eyes, but for many, crystals are no joke. In addition to being Instagram-friendly, many celebs say crystals have special healing properties that help them with manifesting desires and even curing anxiety. But when celebs like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills‘ Brandi Glanville tweets things like,  “Thank God there’s moon issues because I’ve been very emotional today and I had zero reason why until now! Charge your crystals!,” we can’t help but scratch our heads a little. 

OK, so like…what is it?

Crystals have been around since ancient times and have been used for everything, from rituals to medicine. Because they naturally come from the Earth, many believe they possess vibrational energy that can be used for storage or release. Astrologist Aliza Kelly Faragher compares them to a “USB flash drive.” 

“These devices are designed to take on, store, and transfer information,” she wrote in a column for Allure. “Crystals function the same way.”

Although there are a medley of different crystals with different purposes and powers, the main functionality of crystals is to absorb negative energy, like stress or anxiety, and release positive energy, like finding a new love or career success. You can either place crystals around the house or carry them with you. As far as the crystal’s specific intention, that’s up to you. Many crystal enthusiasts say you must “cleanse” crystals first before “programming” them with your intentions. 

Crystals have no tie to any specific religion, allowing people to tailor a spiritual practice that’s unique to them, which many experts believe is the real reason why young people (and celebs) love them.

“I am so addicted to crystals, it’s like a sickness,” The Hill’s Spencer Pratt said back in 2010. “I’ve spent $500,000 on crystals this year. I checked my bank account last night, and I have $203 left …[On Valentine’s Day] we hung out with our puppies and cuddled with our crystal. It’s supposed to bring love… I’m not crazy.”

There’s actual science behind it…sort of.

Although there’s no hard scientific evidence to prove crystal healing works, many love to bring up IBM scientist Marcel Vogel, who was a huge crystal believer. Back in the ’80s, while in a lab observing a crystal under a microscope, he uncovered an amazing discovery:

“In the course of the study of this state under the microscope I noticed a remarkable event, namely that before the melt went into the liquid crystal state, a blue flash of light took place and then immediately after that, the sample transcended into the liquid crystal state. The flash of blue light witnessed through the microscope was the transfer of information from the level of light-coding to the physical plane. This is discussed in metaphysical literature, but had never before been witnessed and photographed.”

It sounds amazing, but considering Marcel once examined a stone he thought came from extraterrestrials, he’s probably not the most trusted source on it.

So what crystals should you get?

Clear Quartz

Walk into any crystal store as a beginner and the shopkeeper is going to push you to buy a basic clear quartz. It’s the most basic of the crystals, which makes it perfect for beginners. It also has the power to charge other crystals when placed beside them. 

“My crystal wand is incredibly special to me, and is one of my most cherished items,” model Miranda Kerr said in 2015. “It’s made of clear quartz and is studded with rose quartz. Clear quartz is a great stone for gathering, directing and transmitting energy … it can also transform negative energy into positive energy.”

Rose Quartz

Besides looking cute and having the perfect shade of “millennial pink,” the rose quartz is the crystal of love. Use it to deflect anger and open your heart to romance.

“I don’t stay single for long,” Katy Perry told Cosmopolitan in 2014. “I carry a lot of rose quartz, which attracts the male. Maybe I need to calm it down with amethyst.”


This yellow-tinted stone is one of the strongest crystals for manifesting dreams or desires. Place it in a window or on your desk to stimulate your mind and give you a more optimistic outlook. Adele swears by citrine and won’t even perform without it.

“I was so nervous about my comeback show and I was panicking. I was out of practice and I was busy being a mum. But it was one of the best shows I’ve ever done and I had these bloody crystals in my hand,” she told The Sun. “Then the Grammys came and I lost my f–king crystals! I had a gig two or three days before them and I think I left them at this venue. It turned out to be the worst, most disastrous performance that I have ever done… But I got some new crystals now and everything’s been going well.”


This is a calming stone that’s great for tranquility, instilling balance into your life, and even curing addictions. If you’re into meditation, amethyst is especially useful for increasing your consciousness. 

“I never in a million years thought I would be that person that would be into all of that stuff, but I completely am,” Lucy Hale told People. “Basically, amethyst is the most positive stone there is, so if you put them in your house, they’re supposed to generate good energy. It’s very new for me, and I’m still learning a lot about it.”

Black Obsidian

While most crystals are good at absorbing, black crystals are for repelling energies, particularly negative ones. Victoria Beckham is so crazy about black crystals, she lines the runway with them at her fashion shows to ward off negativity. She also sews special pockets into her pants to carry her crystals.

“I’m a very spiritual person,” she told Allure in 2011. “I travel with my crystals. I’ve got all different colors. It’s just something that I’m into.”

But, of course, there are skeptics.

“Crystals don’t transmit a healing ‘vibratory frequency,” Tim Caulfield, a research director at the Health Law Institute, told The Guardian. “I can say, without hesitation, that from a scientific perspective this is complete nonsense. Yep, some are attractive. But wearing a crystal isn’t going to help align some magical life-force energy.”

Even Spencer Pratt, the biggest supporter of crystals, to the point where he called himself obsessive, has admitted that crystals don’t really do anything.

“I spent thousands of dollars having a wizard coach,” he told Entertainment Tonight in 2016. “Being a wizard, it’s pretty heavy. Going around with a wand, and people start looking at you weird when you’re wanding your coffee in the morning and whatever … Now I just love to look at [crystals], because I’ve moved past them having powers. If they had powers, I would be Kim Kardashian right now and not Spencer.”

Wow, touché.

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Celebrities Who Put a Ring on It This Summer


Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably caught wind of the long list of celebrities who started dating, like, yesterday and are already posting engagements pics on the ‘gram.

Summer is fun, and love is also pretty cool — so why not combine the two and take the idea of the ‘summer fling’ (so ’80s) into more full-throttle terrain?

At least, that’s what it seems a lot of industry faves decided to get up to this summer. Either that, or someone’s been contaminating the water (lacing it with love potions?) across all of Hollywood.

From Justin Bieber to Ariana Grande, and even Priyanka and Nick Jonas, scroll down to see which of your faves got engaged this summer — and who’s got the dazzling rings to prove it.

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas

Here’s one I’m particularly invested in, having been a longtime Priyanka fan. Baywatch, anyone? 

Although the couple only started dating two seconds months ago, the two have already traveled to meet each other’s families and have been spotted sporting matching gold bands. Wait, what?

Speculation was rampant last month when Nick went to Mumbai, presumably to get permission from her parents for their daughter’s hand in marriage. 

Recently, Nick (who is maybe not even old enough to remember this movie) pulled a total Sweet Home Alabama move when he decided to close down the whole Tiffany & Co. store to pick a ring out (no pics of it yet) for his flame.

Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin

On July 9, after a month of going steady (to be fair, they dated for a bit between 2014 and 2016 before rekindling in June), Justin and Hailey finally made it official. The pop star posted a double-PDA Instagram of Alec Baldwin’s niece sitting on his lap with this relatively spastic caption (but who am I to judge):

Was gonna wait a while to say anything but word travels fast, listen plain and simple Hailey I am soooo in love with everything about you! So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindLY. I promise to lead our family with honor and integrity letting Jesus through his Holy Spirit guide us in everything we do and every decision we make. My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first! You are the love of my life Hailey Baldwin and I wouldn’t want to spend it with anybody else. You make me so much better and we compliment eachother so well!! Can’t wait for the best season of life yet!. It’s funny because now with you everything seems to make sense! The thing I am most excited for is that my little brother and sister get to see another healthy stable marriage and look for the same!!! Gods timing really is literally perfect, we got engaged on the seventh day of the seventh month, the number seven is the number of spiritual perfection, it’s true GOOGLE IT! Isn’t that nuts? By the way I didn’t plan that, anyways My goodness does feel good to have our future secured! WERE GONNA BE BETTER AT 70 BABY HERE WE GO! “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains FAVOR from the Lord!” This is the year of favor!!!!

The accessory she’s wearing on her left hand doesn’t seem to be THE ring, but she did show it off in this pic with fellow celebrity BFF, Kendall Jenner.

Chance the Rapper and Kirsten Corley

This Fourth of July, Chance the Rapper was celebrating more than America’s independence. The 25-year-old musician and longterm girlfriend Kristen Corley, who are parents to 2-year-old Kensli Bennett, got engaged at a backyard barbecue surrounded by family and friends. 

Her account is private so we couldn’t get any close-ups of the jewelry, but from the looks of it, the couple couldn’t be happier. 

Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson

There have been a lot of internet theories and speculation circulating about these crazy-in-love kids, who started dating mmm… not even two months ago. But it should come as a surprise to no one currently reading this article that they’re currently engaged.

And before the two committed to a social media cleanse that wiped away the entirety of Pete’s page (Ariana just posted 3 minutes ago, though, lol), the SNL actor shared this photo of the three-carat pear-shaped ring he proposed with. Pete is head-over-heels, and has also gifted her his most-prized possession.

Karamo Brown and Ian Jordan

Research shows that no one has ever successfully finished an episode of Netflix’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy without breaking into tears. Let the floods continue: One of the Fab Five got engaged earlier this summer after being together with partner Ian Jordan for the past eight years. 

OK, so these guys aren’t in a race to get hitched and likely know a thing or two about each other. And I’m kind of into these matching black David Yurman bands they’re wearing — white diamonds are so overrated.

Karlie Kloss and Joshua Kushner

Model Karlie Kloss and venture capitalist Josh, of Kushner fame, got engaged earlier this week with a ring that reportedly cost six figures. The couple enjoys their privacy, so it might shock some to hear they’ve been together for six years (quite a long time in celebrity years!). The Victoria’s Secret Angel is so committed to their union that she even converted to Judaism. 

Ahhh! Love in the air and festivities all around.

I’m just holding out for super-private, rumored couple Tessa Thompson and Janelle Monáe to pop the question. After all, Tessa’s already confirmed the two “love each other deeply” and “vibrate so close [they’re] on the same frequency.” 

Sounds like they must have known each other for more than a few weeks to make such sweeping declarations. I can’t wait to see the rings.

More from Distractify:

13 Hilarious Engagement Shoots For People Who Hate Engagements

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