‘Men don’t see a person first when they see a woman’: Male co-worker tells TikToker her hair looks better down

Misogyny comes in many forms, one being when men feel entitled to give their unsolicited opinion on a woman’s appearance. This happened to one woman by a male co-worker, and she posted about the experience in a viral TikTok.

On Sunday, Emily Marin (@emily.v.marin) posted the clip, which stated in the text overlay, “Yesterday, my male coworker told me I look better with my hair down and it got me thinking. When I see another person, I see a human, the thought of how they could change their appearance to look better doesn’t even cross my mind.”

@emily.v.marin #misogynistic #womenarenotobjects #fyp#fypシ ♬ original sound – fiona’s gf

“But men don’t see a person first when they see a woman, they see an appearance, and they see ways they could customize her and make her look better and they will tell her because they think they are doing her a favor. But you see, she picked out her hair because she loved it, and she picked out her clothes because they made her happy, and they way men think their opinion is a favor infuriates me, because how she dresses or looks shouldn’t even cross his mind, especially in platonic relationships or workplaces.”

As of Friday, the video has over 804,700 views.

Over Instagram direct message, Marin told the Daily Dot that she put her hair up because it was hot that day, not because she wanted other people to like it. When her co-worker brought up her hairstyle, she felt “a little annoyed in the moment and I kept wondering why it was bothering me.”

“I was inspired to post about it because I realized how this experience connected to my experience with men in general, how they make me feel that they are looking at my appearance but not actually seeing me,” she said.

She added: “But a lot of men see women as objects that are made for them to desire, not at people who are just existing the same as them.”

The video resonated with many people in the comments section.

One user commented, “so simple yet so hard for many to understand.”

“The worst part is that it’s almost always unsolicited. Like why do you feel the need to state your opinion on what would look better on me?” another TikToker wrote.

“It’s because all they care about is you being attractive to THEM as if that should be your goal or motive, rather than loving yourself for YOU,” commented a third.

“Honestly though I don’t think I’ve ever looked at anybody and immediately dissected what they ‘could do better’ it’s SO bizarre,” wrote another.

Marin was surprised when her video blew up on TikTok: “I was happy so many other women felt like they were understood by my video. I wasn’t surprised by the amount of men commenting that I’m reaching or that it’s not that deep. They just thought I was hurt by a man negatively commenting on my appearance, which just proves how they think women live their lives for men.”