Why Did You Come Back?

I made it clear that I wanted a relationship with you.

You made it clear that you were not ready for a relationship with me.

It stung to know we were never going to get together. I spent countless nights questioning my worth. I used to daydream about you coming back, deciding that you were wrong to turn me down, and starting a love story with me. But I have moved on since then.

I was not going to wait around for you when you acted like there was no point in waiting, like your decision was set in stone. I thought we were over. I thought you meant what you said.

I cannot even be excited that you have changed your mind, because you chose the worst possible time. You could have returned months ago and I would have happily given you a chance. You could have made this easy.

Why did you come back now, now that you know I am no longer available, now that you know I am with someone else, now that you know my heart is in other hands?

I’ve been wondering whether your bad timing was an accident or whether it was on purpose. I’ve been wondering whether you only want me now because there is no way you are going to get me. Because you are annoyed that I am no longer begging for your attention. Because you miss the days when I treated you like you were the center of the universe and want those days back.

There must be a reason why you picked now to fight for me when there were a million moments in the past when you could have done the same thing.

It seems like you always pick the worst possible time to like my selfies, to send me texts, to express your feelings, to ask for me back. You never want me when I am within reach. You only want me when I am miles away.

Maybe I’m overthinking again. Maybe you have good intentions. Maybe you cannot stand seeing me with somebody else and that is why you have decided to make your move now, because you cannot take another second without me.

Or maybe you could not care less about my happiness. Maybe you want power over me. Maybe you think you want to be with me because it’s an unobtainable fantasy — but if I gave up everything to be with you would you still want me then? Or would you grow bored because I’m no longer a challenge? Would you change your mind again and say that you aren’t ready for a relationship? Would you manipulate me into losing someone who actually cares about me and then decide against becoming my boyfriend for the second time?

I don’t know why you are back. I don’t know why you had to do this now and make my world more complicated.

Part of me is happy that you have changed your mind. But another part of me is annoyed. Another part of me hates you for doing this, because I had been doing perfectly fine without you.