Life requires growth of us. Constant growth. When we stop growing, we start to stagnate. We become stuck in old thought patterns, behaviors and fears. It starts to become uncomfortable. That’s when tensions mound and we start to see crises: times in our lives that require of us intense pain and change.
It doesn’t have to be like this.
In fact, you don’t only grow and change when approached with circumstances which necessitate it. You are growing and changing all of the time. Life is constantly asking you to reach farther than that which you’re comfortable and rise past that which you think you are capable.
You are not only asked to do this. You have to. Your choice is whether or not you walk or are dragged, so to say. If you adopt a mindset of constant growth, you will find that life becomes easier and easier, and more and more enjoyable.
But to do that, you first have to accept something that most people spend their entire lives trying to avoid:
If you think you should be doing better in life, you are probably right.
If you think there is a way in which you could stand to be more grateful, you are probably right. If you think you are complaining too much, you are probably right. If you think your work is not challenging you, you are probably right. If you think that you need to mend certain relationships, or sever others, you are probably right.
The world spends so much time trying to coach you into having self-esteem by placating your circumstances. What most people don’t understand is that esteem is build from the outside in. To develop it, we have to prove to ourselves that we are enough. Some kind words and well meaning affirmations will not suffice.
The cold, hard, big ass pill to swallow is this: you are not going to be happy if you don’t actualize your potential, give a damn about your relationships, resolve that which haunts you, climb a mountain and then find another one. There is no point at which you can convince yourself you’re good enough to just coast. Most people spend their entire lives trying to find that point, and wonder why they are so deeply dissatisfied.
Understanding that you can keep rising to a new level of experience in your life does not mean you hate yourself, or don’t appreciate what you have. It does not mean you can’t embrace where you are. It just means recognizing that as life is constant movement, as are you.
Identifying the next way you want to grow and shift and change will make you a force of your own nature.
If you feel uncomfortable about being young and single, that’s probably because if you’re like many people, you’ll spend the majority of your life in a committed relationship with one person. Of course all of this rejection and uncertainty feels weird, it’s not how you’re supposed to live. The same is true of basically anything, whether it’s your city of residence, the friends you do or don’t have, or your work each day.
You cannot talk yourself into wanting a lesser life than you know, at a cellular level, you are not only capable of having, but are meant to have.
I say “cellular level” because this kind of knowing is a silent, unmovable force. You don’t even recognize it until it’s pushing you, constantly, reminding you every day that there’s is something else out there for you, even though you can’t quite see it yet.
Too many people spend too much of their time trying to convince themselves they are good enough, without realizing that it will never work. That’s why you have to keep convincing. You will feel self-assured when you get out there and build the life you know you want and are meant to live. You will not have to convince yourself of anything. You will be so immersed in the day-to-day of your experiences, you will look back and think:
I am so glad that even when I wanted to stop, life forced me forward.
You will look back and be so grateful for that which life wouldn’t let you accept.