Weddings are tumultuously emotional experiences where a billion and one things can go wrong even with the full support of your friends and family. There are so many different things that can go awry, it’s mind-boggling and enough to make you just want to give up and have a Taco Bell wedding.
But anyone who has ever helped plan a wedding knows that friends and family aren’t always on board, and for all the bridezilla horror stories we come across, there are plenty of mother-in-law-zilla tales to shake your head at as well.
There’s disagreements about the venues, seating arrangements, the menu, how much you’re paying per head, what kind of music should be played, religious/cultural ceremonies, but at the end of the day, it usually works out.
That is, unless you have a mother-in-law who’s hell-bent on making sure it doesn’t work out by trying to make the wedding all about her and stopping at nothing to do so. Which is exactly what this redditor discovered as her friend was gearing up for her special day.
User theloniou5 recounts the sordid events leading up to her friend’s wedding, and a nightmare mother-in-law who acted more like some petulant brat villain out of an ’80s movie, and less like the mom of the groom.
She prefaces her story with this amazing little bit of information:
This story is about my friend’s MIL, and her wedding. Strap in guys, this is a wild ride in which I did THE THING that got me banned from any of her family functions. (Plus a few threats of dismemberment and bodily harm).
And then jumps right in.
A good friend of mine from university was getting married! They had been a couple since Junior year of college, through her two years in the peace corps and currently her return to this continent. Six years in total. She had been to all manner of family functions and always came back with a strange story about how she thinks her MIL secretly hates her. But she being a very quiet and sweet person pushed those thoughts aside.
Point 1: She is vegetarian and Jewish, husband is not. She was invited and went to Christmas dinner and figured she would just eat sides; she brought a vegetarian casserole [as well]. MIL, after knowing her for THREE years, and being told by husband a few weeks before about not to forget girlfriend doesn’t eat meat…proceeded to put meat in every dish. Friend drank water and ate her casserole the whole night while MIL cried to everyone that friend was so rude for not eating her cooking.
Anyway, back to the story. A few friends and I were asked to be in the wedding. Friend has a HUGE family and so this was not going to be a small affair. Neither of them is particularly religious, but friend said it was would be nice to be married under a hoopa. (Think an arbor but four poles and covered with a white cloth and lots of flowers) Husband said he could care less, and told her to go and rent one for the wedding.
I was at the bridal shower when MIL found out the “pretty canopy” was actually a hoopa. She almost lost her $!#* in front of a bunch of people, but managed to compose herself and laugh angrily that “If the Jews were being represented so would the Catholics.” In my head, I heard a record screech, guys… They aren’t Catholic.
So after much fighting, a lot of screaming, crying, threatening to pull money (which is funny because she contributed nothing), MIL lost. The boot was firmly placed, and nothing was moving it. Hoopa yes, Catholic priest no.
Things got stupid quiet, my friend texts me the night before the wedding that she has a bad feeling. I tell her it’s probably just nerves, she is getting married and this is a big deal! Oh how wrong I was.
We all show up, get our hair and makeup done. Slip into our bridesmaid dresses and hang out waiting for the bride to be finished with her hair. She makes a comment saying she hadn’t seen MIL all day and that she skipped her hair and makeup appointment. We all side-eyed each other, took a few sips of wine and hoped the eerie feeling would go away.
30 minutes later, as we are helping the bride into her dress; guess who shows up. If you guessed MIL, you win a cookie! Flushed from coming up the stairs, (she is not a light woman) in full hair and makeup…and a white dress. Not ivory, not cream, full snow-$!#*ing-white. The dress was clearly a wedding dress; it was even from David’s Bridal (which she would later shout at me). Floor-length satin with a sweetheart beaded top, a bit of a train and off-white lace on the bottom. The dress was even tailored to her, this has been a long con she has orchestrated.
The bride burst into tears and aunts and friends ushered MIL out. We did our best to console the bride, touched up her makeup, and I made her a promise that the dress would never be seen in a photo. She looked me dead in the eye and nodded. The game was on.
The venue only supplied white wine and champagne for the wedding party. But I grabbed my purse and ran down into the reception area and managed to flag an attendant by the bar and bribe him with a cool $20 to give me a bottle of red early. I cracked the baby open, filled a solo cup to the brim with it and stalked outside. After a few swigs from the bottle for courage, I went over to where everyone was getting ready to take photos.
With one last hard stare at my friend, I got her nod of approval. I pulled out my phone, held it in front of my face like I was reading a text and walked straight into MIL. I poured the entire cup of red wine down the front of her dress, jumped back and gasped.
The look on her face was murderous. She screamed, yelled, threatened, and promised she would sue me. People had to hold her back because she wanted to fight me. Eventually she switched from screaming to sobbing and sank to the ground and threw a tantrum on the floor. Everyone moved back and just let her go at it and walked away to go take photos. It was surreal, as if everyone just hit their limit and noped out from around her. The 12-year-old flower girl whipped out her phone and snapped a few photos much to our amusement.
This is already super long, but I will say that MIL went home and changed (only 20 min from venue) into a nice dark green too-small and low-cut dress. Because of this, she missed all of the photos. Wedding was beautiful; I got death glares from everyone she told that I attacked her with wine. No $!#*s were given as I drank and danced with friends. Bride thanked me in secret and three months later took me to the spa for a day of pampering. But I am officially “that ISIS $!#* ” to MIL, and I’ll take it with pride.
Phew, that was a lot to process. I’m going to say that even though the mother-in-law totally deserved to get red wine poured all over her dress, the fact that OP decided to go and spill it on her outfit is a total boss move.
Getting the OK from the bride like that and doing the deed, taking the L and that much heat on the day of the wedding made her a hero, but it’s still a brave thing to do, especially considering how monstrous this woman was. This is on par with saving a dragon or jumping into freezing water to rescue someone. This woman is an absolute legend, and I applaud her for taking down a verifiable monster-in-law.