Ending a relationship is hard. Especially if you are not the one who decided to end it. Anger often makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do, which not only presents them in a bad light, but also prevents them from starting a new, happy relationship. Many of these things are considered to be absolutely normal but in fact, they are exactly what makes us blame ourselves.
We at Bright Side have identified some typical things that many people do at the end of their relationships and we explain why you should never do them.
1. Getting hysterical
When someone is leaving you, it seems that the situation is as bad as it gets, so you might decide to tell them everything you think. When we are angry, we often say rude and offensive things, we throw away their stuff and try to make it look like we wanted to break up too. It seems that this behavior is saving your ego, but it will only make things worse.
Why it’s harmful: The anger will disappear pretty quickly and, if you said a lot of things you shouldn’t have, you will feel ashamed. You might even think that the person left because you were rude. And even though it’s not true, you could keep blaming yourself for a long time, or even worse — keep trying to fix it. By doing this, you might do even more ridiculous things, humiliating yourself.
2. Talking about your feelings one last time
When a partner decides to break up with you, it can be really unexpected. People often try to explain how much they love someone: they write long letters with big words or call them at night after several glasses of wine. People think that if their partner understands how much they are loved, they will return in no time.
Why it’s harmful: The problem is not your lack of feelings, it’s your partner’s lack of feelings. These things will only make people feel guilty. As a result, the person will try to minimize the communication between the 2 of you and you will feel miserable.
3. Agreeing to be friends
When someone is leaving you, they might offer to stay friends with you. They do this because they feel guilty or because they want to keep someone who loves them close. Agreeing to be friends right after breaking up means that the story is not over yet.
Why it’s harmful: If you decided to break up, then a friendly relationship will leave room for hope. You may keep waiting for the relationship to start again, but it most likely won’t.
4. Asking for your presents back
Some people are consumed by anger after breaking up. They feel used and they want compensation. This makes even the least greedy people ask for their gifts back: they want to offend their ex-partner without thinking about what it makes them look like.
Why it’s harmful: After you do something like this, you won’t respect yourself anymore. And your partner will have a story to tell about how greedy and cheap you are. The more people who know you will be able to discuss this moment of weakness. Leave the past in the past and make your partner remember you as a loving and caring person.
5. Looking for a reason to communicate
Forgotten books and clothes, the gifts you prepared but didn’t have a chance to give, and other little things are often used by people to remind their ex-partners of themselves. It seems that it’s not such a big deal because there is a reason why you called your ex, but it’s not true.
Why it’s harmful: Constant attention that has nothing to do with a relationship makes a person seem even more important. You might not notice this in the beginning, but in 6 months you will realize that you don’t even want to go on dates because you still can’t get over your ex.
6. Trying to influence a person through people you both know
If you still have things that are left unsaid, you might want to clarify the situation and try to change the opinion of your mutual friends. It seems that if you talk to your ex’s mother or best friend, they might make them return to you. But this won’t work.
Why it’s harmful: The person will most likely feel like you are pressing them. Especially if the close people try to do the same and talk them into starting the relationship again. The pressure will make them more convinced that they should stay away from you. But it’s likely that nobody will even try to talk them into this, so you will just waste your time telling other people about your problems.
7. Suffering on social media
Many people understand that calling someone in the middle of the night is over-the-top. However, you might still want to let your partner know that you feel sad and that you love them. Sad songs and photos on social media will definitely show that you feel bad, but they won’t help you to actually feel better.
Why it’s harmful: Instead of just thinking about how to improve your situation, you are looking for outside help. But such a public demonstration of feelings will only make people laugh at you. And you will feel bad because of this.
8. Having arguments with your new partner
It’s only been one week and your ex has already found someone new? This might even make you want to talk to this person, especially if you think that your relationship is not over and you are on a break.
Why it’s harmful: When looking for information about the new romantic interest of your ex, you waste a lot of time on a complete stranger instead of spending this time on yourself. This curiosity turns into an obsession and then you start looking at their photos constantly looking for flaws. And they just keep living their lives, laughing at you. In the future, you will regret the time you wasted.
9. Trying to understand the reason why you broke up
It seems that your partner hasn’t told you something and you think that if you could just discuss it, the situation could be fixed. But there is a high probability that you will spend several months trying to find out what was wrong.
Why it’s harmful: It is really unlikely that you will manage to convince your partner to change their mind. If the reason for breaking up wasn’t some terrible mistake that you made and have to apologize for, it’s no use trying to fix anything.
Bonus: Things that help after breaking up with someone
- Playing sports.
- Studying, working, or taking up a new hobby.
- Communicating with people and meeting someone new.
- Getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex.
- Avoiding discussing the relationship with your close friends and family.
If you start doing positive things, instead of negative ones, the recovery at the end of the relationship will take way less time. What helped you after the end of a relationship?