20 Reminders For Anyone Who Has Fallen In Love With Someone’s Potential Instead Of Their Reality

1. Seeing potential where nobody else does is a testament to your character. Good people see good in people.

2. It’s like this Yeoshin Lourdes quote: “Seeing goodness in a man who hasn’t already demonstrated goodness? It’s a projection of your own humanity and divinity. Stop projecting.”

3. Despite all those niceties about what a great person you are for being able to see past people’s current circumstances, the truth is that falling in love with someone’s potential is an unhealthy coping mechanism, and for the sake of your own future and sanity, you have to let it go.

4. Believing in what a relationship could be as opposed to what it is can quickly become a dangerous, toxic slope. It can be your undoing. You have to be able to discern reality from what you would like reality to be.

5. If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you.

6. If someone does not want to be with you, they will do one of two things: they will ignore you, or they will keep you around, and make excuses.

7. People reveal who they really are all the time, in hints and comments and passing gestures to strangers. It is your choice to ignore those red flags.

8. You’re right: nobody is perfect. But everybody has to be accountable.

9. It is naive to assume that everyone will get better with time. People committed to their inner growth and self-development and the wellbeing of their lives as a whole will. But people who don’t, probably won’t.

10. Most of the time, you’ll look back on the people you saw so much potential in and realize that their rejection was a dodged bullet. You just didn’t realize it at the time.

11. You are not letting go of this person. You are letting go of the expectation you had about the role they would play in your life, one that you probably had no business making in the first place.

12. You’re not being hopeful, you’re being stuck. And often, holding onto bits of hope about a person or relationship is what we do when we are too afraid to move forward. That makes sense, because right now, you can only measure what you’re going to lose. You cannot yet see what you’re going to gain.

13. If you were to cease making all effort in the relationship, what would become of it? If the answer is nothing, it means that you aren’t in a relationship, you’re in a hall of mirrors in which you are projecting onto a bystander everything you want in a partner.

14. No wonder they are letting you down.

15. You’re not indecisive about this relationship. You’re not unsure. Deep down, you know the truth about it, and you’re too afraid to admit that you know the truth, so you’re distracting yourself.

16. It is not your responsibility to always see the good in people. It is your responsibility to see them honestly. Goodness is proven, and respect is earned.

17. You are attached to this person to give you a sense of direction or self. Once you stop giving them all of your energy, you’ll be able to tend to those core wounds that are holding you back in the first place.

18. The person who will ultimately benefit from all of this is you… if you have the courage to wake up and walk away. You deserve someone who sees in you what you see in them. You deserve someone who shows up and stays and commits right away. And you deserve that because, in your heart, you just want to love and be loved — which is why you’re holding on so tightly.

19. You cannot base a relationship around potential. You just can’t. The rule of thumb is this: if you knew that the person you are with would be the exact same for the rest of their lives, would you want to be with them forever?

20. If the answer is not yes, then why are you doing it now?