Let’s go over some landmine phrases you should never say.
My style isn’t usually to tell you what to say and not say, I prefer to address issues at the root and get to the mindset that causes the behaviors that may be preventing you from getting what you want.
I thought this article would be fun to make and that we can use these phrases to get a better understanding of what makes a man lose interest.
I also want to add that if these phrases are a little too familiar to you, it may indicate you have low self-esteem and that’s something you’ll want to address because low self-worth is the root of most problems.
OK, here we go…
1. All men are jerks.
Yes, I know that maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, but this attitude is toxic.
Let’s just flip it for a second. Let’s say you were on a date with a guy who said all women are crazy or psycho, would you want to date him?? No! You would think he was a chauvinistic jerk.
He clearly has strong negative feelings about women due to things he experienced in the past and it’s not your job to fix him and correct this.
If a woman already has the idea that all men are jerks, she will always be looking out for jerky behavior. She will be hyper-vigilant, expecting him to dump her or do something horrible at any moment. You can’t really form a connection or a relationship with someone like this.
I also need to add… if all the men you date are jerks… then maybe you need to change your taste in men?
2. Do I look fat?
Has any man in the history of mankind ever answered yes to this question?
What you’re really asking is: do you still find me desirable? Because I think I put on some weight and I want to make sure you’re still attracted to me.
But there is nothing desirable about being insecure. He most likely will just get annoyed by the question and you are lowering your value by even asking it.
3. My ex would never do that.
There is never a good reason to compare him to your ex, at least not when it’s a comparison about how much better the ex was. Let’s flip it again, how would you feel if he compared you to his ex and pointed out the ways you were falling short?
You can express your unmet needs to him in a way that doesn’t make him feel resentful toward you.
4. What are you thinking about right now?
You don’t really want to know what he’s thinking, you want to know if he’s thinking about you and if he’s thinking about the relationship. You don’t want to hear that he’s thinking about Fantasy Football or whatever nonsense is swirling around up there.
Focus on feeling secure in the relationship so you don’t need so much assurance from him. If you have a hard time feeling secure, ask yourself why. Do you not trust him… or do you not trust anyone because deep down you believe all people will hurt you because that’s been your experience thus far?
5. Nope, nothing is wrong … when something is wrong.
Don’t expect him to be a mind reader. Yeah, I know you’d prefer that he be able to intuit your every thought and feeling and manage it accordingly but that’s not his job and that’s not possible.
Emotional maturity comes from recognizing your needs and expressing them in a way that doesn’t blame or shame your partner.
6. What are we?
Guys don’t like having the talk, and the fact is, in the right relationship with someone who is on the same page as you, there really isn’t a need to have a formal discussion about the relationship and where things are headed.
Bringing up “the talk” in a forced way will just make him feel pressured and then the whole power balance of the relationship is thrown off if he isn’t ready to commit in the way you want. Now you’re in a position of waiting to see if he chooses you and this is a very disempowering place to be.
It’s much better to let things unfold organically without force or pressure.
And if he doesn’t want the same kind of relationship you want, don’t be afraid to walk away and realize you will find better.
7. Guys always ghost or dump me.
You don’t really need to share this information – he won’t feel sorry for you, instead, he might start thinking maybe something is wrong with you. I get the intention, you’re telling him this has happened in the past and it’s been hurtful and you’re hoping by sharing this information will make him think twice before he ghosts… but it won’t.
Also, this makes you seem low value- so you’re basically telling him you’re from the reject pile and that’s not exactly alluring!
8. Why don’t you ever…
Guys rarely respond well when you phrase something like this, it makes you come across as naggy and ungrateful and will just cause him to retreat and feel resentful and be even less likely to do what you want.
It is much more effective to phrase things like: “I really love it when you…”
Guys need to feel appreciated, if you come away from this article with one takeaway, let it be that!
9. Where have you been?
Guys don’t want to feel like you’re keeping tabs on them- especially not in the beginning!
If you’re grilling him on where he was and why he didn’t text back promptly early on, it’s a bad sign and signals the beginning of the end. If it’s early on and you’re not even official, he’s most likely is seeing other people and he doesn’t yet owe you exclusivity or explanations.
If you expect them and demand them, then you’re pulling the reigns in way too tight way too soon and he most likely won’t want to deal with it.
I should also add when a guy really likes you, he won’t usually leave you hanging. If he takes an exceptionally long time to get back to you, he’ll usually tell you why. If he disappears often and with no explanation, he probably likes you… but doesn’t like you enough.
10. We need to talk.
Is there a more chilling combination of words than this? I think not.
If you need to talk, be more specific about what you’ll like to talk about so his mind isn’t jumping to the worst-case scenario, which we often do with this phrase. My mom texted me a variation of this the other day and I thought maybe there was a death in the family. Just stay away from this one!
11. So when am I going to hear from you again?
This just comes across as desperate and needy- almost like you’re expecting not to hear from him again. It is much better to just assume he likes you and assume you’ll hear from him.
I have a friend who would always give a guy specific instructions, like “Call me tomorrow night” after meeting a new guy. This conveys confidence because you’re assuming he is going to want to call and talk to you and you’re just letting him know when you’re free
12. Bringing up things he did in the past that you’ve already forgiven him for.
Don’t do this, don’t keep a tally of everything he’s done wrong, and use it as ammo when you’re mad at him. If you forgive him for something, forgive him for it and move past it. That means you can’t bring up that thing anymore. This just comes across as immature, and petty, and it will not take you anywhere positive in your relationship.
Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/sabrina-bendory/2022/11/12-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-guy/