This Mom Created A Controversial 'Juvenile Center' For Her Daughter To Curb Bad Behavior

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Disciplining your children is never easy. I’ve got two kids and my toddler has a penchant for tantrums. So giving him a time-out, or taking away his toys when he refuses to eat his food or not put on his clothes, or making him help clean up the mess he made  while he’s screaming and crying isn’t exactly my idea of a fun day.

However, I have noticed that it’s ultimately been for his benefit. He’s more respectful of other kids. He doesn’t act out when we’re at other people’s houses and when he does, usually a look from mom and dad is enough to stop him from pursuing any crumby behavior.

As human beings though, we’re impressionable. We’re going to get influenced by the people we hang out with, the movies we see, the stories we read, both the bad and the good. We just need to be lucky enough to identify when that behavior isn’t going to ultimately be healthy for us and for a lot of kids, understanding parents or other close family members and friends can help us see that.

Some children, however, might require a little extra attention to curb any bad habits they picked up and, depending on how intense their folks want to get in disciplining them, those corrective behavioral methods might be a bit unconventional.

Like when this Canadian mother decided to launch “Mommy’s Juvenile Detention Center” for her 9-year-old who wouldn’t stop, as she put it, “acting like an a**hole.”

The Newfoundland mom, Amanda Mitchell, stripped down her daughter’s room taking out all of her clothes, decor, games – pretty much anything fun.

She placed on her bed a set of clothes for the week: five pairs of underwear and socks, and a single outfit for her to wear each day.

Mitchell called the clothes “anti bullying clothing.”

So what spurred on the harsh punishment from the mom? As it turns out, her 9-year-old was not only bullying her best friend in school, but she was also cutting classes.

Mitchell posted a few photos of the stripped-down room along with a message about the drastic measures she took to ensure her daughter would stop her awful behavior.

“Welcome to Mommy’s Juvenile Detention little girl.

Harsh? Not in my opinion. If she grows up to break the law then the result is jail and that’s not what I want for my children. I think the problem with this generation is inadequate punishment. Punishment is bad, we should only use positive reinforcement and ignore all bad behavior – NOT in this house.”

The mom said that her daughter, upon seeing her room was shocked. In addition to her sparse surroundings, she was forced to rewrite the phrases, “I will not lie,” “I will be kind to everyone,” and “I am responsible for my own actions” 50 times each by hand.

The post received a bunch of mixed responses on line. All of the hullabaloo is what probably had Mitchell turn her post to private. There were many who supported the mom’s decision to discipline her daughter this way.

Others, however, believed the punishment was too harsh and even went as far to call Mitchell a “terrible parent.”

“Wow. I really feel that this is extreme … How old is your child? I feel that taking away toys, electronics etc. But making your child wear the same outfit to school for a week and stripping her entire room …overboard.”

After implementing the punishment, Mitchell noticed an immediate change in her daughter’s behavior: she responded in a positive way and seemed to see the seriousness of how her mean behavior was affecting others.

That, combined with some feedback from people online, caused Mitchell to relent on her punishment a bit. She reduced the number of lines that her daughter had to copy from 50 down to 25. Her daughter won’t be wearing the exact same outfit every day, either, but will cycle through our different anti-bullying shirts.

Mitchell’s daughter has already gotten some of her room’s amenities restored because of her positive behavior: some books, her side table, and lamp are back in her room.  So it’s more like grade four and less like cell block 4. 

Mitchell says that about 90% or so of parents who commented on her original post agreed with her behavior, with only a few people disagreeing with the way she disciplined her child.

What do you think of the punishment? Is it too harsh? Or a good way to curb crappy behavior before it gets out of hand?

Source : http://www.distractify.com/trending/2018/06/13/ZIDUOO/mommy-juvenile-detention-center

200+ Wolf Names That Sound Mysterious And Majestic

Wolves are marvelous, majestic creatures. They are one of the most beautiful animals to walk this earth. However, they are also strong. They are fierce. They are not to be messed with. They encapsulate everything you should strive to become.

If you want to name your child after these beautiful animals with the hopes they will become equally as beautiful and fierce, then here a list of names you should consider:

Acwulf: A wolf from the oak meadows

Adalwolf: A noble wolf

Adalwolfa: A wolf who is noble

Adolfa: The feminine version of Adolf, meaning ‘noble wolf’

Adolfo: Noble wolf

Adolfus: A noble wolf

Adolpha: A noble and kind she wolf

Adolphe: An aristocrat wolf

Adolphine: An honorable and noble wolf

Adolpho: Spanish variant of Adolf; Noble wolf

Adolphus: noble wolf; A derivative of name Ado

Adulf: The wolf who is noble and honorable

Aedwulf: A noble and honorable wolf

Aegenwulf: The wolf of the chief sea

Aethelwulf: Noble Wolf

Alarick: Noble Leader or a Wolf ruler, Fierce, Supreme ruler of all

Aldwulf: One old as a wolf

Amaruq: Grey wolf

Amwolf: The majestic and powerful like an Eagle Wolf

Ardolf: Home Loving Wolf; A variant of the name Ardwolf

Ardolph: Home Loving Wolf; A variant of the name Ardwolf

Ardwolf: Home Loving Wolf

Arnoux: Eagle wolf

Arnulf: Wolf, eagle; one who likes to go high

Arnulfo: Has the Eagle and Wolf power; powerful person

Azouf: Aesir’s wolf

Bardalph: Ax Wolf

Bardawulf: axe and wolf

Bardolf: Axe-wolf

Bardolph: Axe-wolf

Bardolphe: A bright wolf

Bardou: Axe-wielding wolf

Bardoul: Bright wolf, ax-wielding wolf

Bardulf: Bright wolf, ax-wielding wolf

Bardulph: Axe-wolf

Barduwulf: An ax-wielding wolf

Barwolf: Ax Wolf

Beorhtwulf: To have the light and brightness of the wolf

Beorthwulf: One who is like a bear and llike the wolf

Beowulf: Intelligent Wolf

Berhtwulf: He is the wolf of the light

Bernulf: He who is like a wolf and a bear

Bertulf: To be like a wolf and bear

Bleddyn: Wolf Hero

Bleiz: Old Breton word meaning ‘wolf.’

Blevine: A child who is like a wolf cub

Borris: He who is like a short wolf

Botewolf: A name that means Herald Wolf

Botolf: He is a herald wolf

Botolph: One who is like a herald wolf

Botolphe: A man who is like a herald wolf

Botulf: One who is compared to a wolf

Botwolf: He who is wolf-like

Cathwulf: A woman pure as a wolf

Chann: Officer of Church; also a young Wolf

Channe: A young Wolf

Channon: Wolf’s babies; the wise one

Clell: Descendant of the wolf family

Cuetlachtli: Nahuatl word for wolf.

Cunignos: A little Wolf

Cuthwulf: Wolf; one filled with power

Dolf: Noble wolf; they are responsible and kind people

Dolph: In swedish the name Dolph means ‘Noble Wolf’

Dolphus: Majestic Noble Wolf; determined and noble

Due: One who belongs to a tribe; wolf power

Duko: Duko is derived from Doede, meaning a famous wolf

Eadwulf: A person who is idealistic and has inspirational qualities; Its derived meaning from Old English where ead mean ‘Fortune’ and wulf means  ‘Wolf’

Eeriuffi: Greenlandic form of Herjulf. It means warrior wolf.

Ernouf: Wolf eagle

Ethelwulf: a noble wolf.

Farkas: He who is like a wolf

Fillan: A little Wolf; name of a saint

Freki: Name of Odin’s wolf.

Fridolf: Peaceful wolf

Fridolph: A peaceful wolf

Grimmwolf: Grimm means fierce as a whole Grimm fierce means a person who is fierce and powerful like a wolf.

Gundulf: Wolf of War, from words “grund” meaning war and “vulfus” which means wolf.

Gurgen: Gotten from Middle Persian gurg “wolf” joined with a humble postfix.

Hardulph: Brave wolf, old Anglo Saxon the hill

Harou: The army’s wolf

Hati: the name of a mythical wolf

Heardwulf: Strong wolf, brave

Hebrewulf: Wolf

Heoruwulf: A wolf army

Hildwulf: One who is like a wolf in the battle

Hrolf: Wolf

Hrolleif: Old wolf

Ingolf: Ing’s wolf.

Ingouf: God Ing’s wolf, warrior

Ivailo: Variant transcription of Ivaylo, meaning wolf.

Kenneally: Kenneally means Head of Wolf

Leiðolfr: Chief wolf

Liudolf: A Famous Wolf, from the germanic word Hludwolf

Lobo: A person who is like a Wolf

Louve: Female wolf

Lovel: One who is like a young wolf

Lovell: A wolf cub

Loveta: A woman who is like a young wolf

Lovett: A person who has the qualities of a young wolf

Lovetta: Resembling a young wolf

Lovette: She is like a wolf cub

Lovota: A fast Wolf; good natured

Lowe: A person who is like a young wolf, used as a surname

Lupe: River of the Wolf

Lupin: From latin word “lupinus” meanin Wolf

Lyall: A Scottish surname derived from the Old Norse given name Liulfr which means wolf

Lycan: A werewolf

Lycidas: Wolf son

Lyell: A wolf from the island

Lyfing: A dear wolf

Lyulf: A compound of “wolf” and “flame”

Lyulph: A flaming wolf

Marrok: A knight that was thought to be a warewolf

Mingan: A grey wolf, a person who is intelligent and furious as wolf

Móðolfr: The fearless wolf.

Nirmolak: A wolf from the northern areas

Nothwulf: A wolf from the northern areas

Osouf: God’s wolf or warrior. It’s a variant of Ozouf.

Ostrythe: Name given to a divine Wolf; idealistic person

Ovais: A variant of Owais; Name of companions of the Prophet; Little Wolf

Owais: A wolf; the best compannion of the Prophet

Owaisy: A wolf; a courageous and brave warrior

Owein: A noble- born young individual who is like a Wolf

Ozouf: God’s wolf, warrior

Phelan: One who is like a wolf

Radolf: A red wolf

Radolph: A wolf’s shield

Radulfus: A shield wolf

Radulph: A wolf consel

Radulphus: A shield of the wolf

Raedwolf: A red haired wolf

Raedwulf: A red wolf

Raff: A red wolf

Ragnulf: Adviser wolf, warrior

Rahoul: A wolf counsel

Ralfs: A variant of Ralph. It means wolf counsel.

Randale: A shield-wolf

Randel: A surname variant of Randolph, means wolf’s shield

Randolf: A house wolf, prostector

Randoll: Surname, means wolf shield

Randon: Variant of Randolph, means shield with a wolf emblem

Randulf: Nordic name meaning edge of the wolf’s shield

Randulfus: Edge of the wolf’s shield

Randulph: Wolf’s shield

Randulphus: A shield with a wolf emblem

Ranndy: A house wolf

Ranulf: Scottish name meaning a shield of wolf

Ranulfus: English name meaning a shield with the emblem of a wolf

Ranulph: A shield-wolf

Raoul: A red wolf

Raulf: One who has the wisdom of a wolf

Raulfe: He is wise like a wolf

Raulin: A little wise wolf, mostly used as a surnme

Rawling: An advice of the wolf. Mainly used as a surname

Rawlins: One who is a son of the wise wolf-man

Rawls: Mainly used as a surname which means The Famous Wolf

Rawly: An Old English surname that meas A well-known wolf

Rawson: An English surname, the son of the famous wolf

Rawsone: A surname that means a male child of the famous wolf

Rendell: The shield that is used to protect the wolf

Renouf: Adviser wolf

Rezso: Germanic – Famous Wolf; Legendary wolf; A derivative of the English Rudolph.

Rhudi: A wolf famous among man

Rieka: A woman who has the power of the wolf, or a woman who holds the power of home

Rodolf: A legendary and famous wolf

Rodolfo: A notable and legendary wolf

Rodolph: One who is known as a famous wolf

Rodolphus: A wolf of great fame

Rolf: He is a legendary wolf among men

Rolfe: Germanic – Famous Wolf; Legendary wolf; Wise and Strong; A variant of Ralph

Rollin: A wolfy legendary man

Rollo: A notable, acclaimed wolf

Rotri: One who is famous wolf

Roul: Famous wolf

Rowsan: A wolf-counsel’s son

Rudi: One who has the fame of the wolf

Rudie: One whose fame is like a wolf’s

Rudina: One who is like a lgendary wolf

Rudolf: He is legendary like a wolf

Rudolfa: A legendary female wolf

Rudolfo: A wolf who is a legend

Rudolph: A man who has the fame of the legendary wolf

Rudolpho: One who is known as a famous wolf

Ruid: He is like a famous wolf

Rule: French – Famous Wolf; A variant of the name Ruelle.

Saewulf: A wolf of the sea

Sandulf: True Wolf

Sassaba: The wolf

Scenwulf: The act of a wolf

Seath: Wolfish

Seaxwulf: Wolf of the sea

Sigewulf: A victorious wolf

Sirhaan: One who resambles the wolf

Sirhan: A man who is like a wolf

Skjöldolfr: The protector wolf.

Syaoran: He who is a little wolf

Tatwulf: He who is as strong as a wolf

Teowulf: A mighty wolf

Theodulf: The God of wolf

Thrydwulf: Combination name, thorn and wolf

Tidwulf: The wolf of its time, or the time wolf

Udolf: A wolf ruler

Úlf: Wolf.

Ulfhrafn: A combination of the words wolf and raven.

Ulfr: Wolf

Ulfred: Wolf of peace

Úlfur: Wolf in Icelandic language. A variant of Ulfr.

Ulva: She wolf

Uwais: A small wolf

Vakhtang: Wolf-bodied

Valko: Derived from Bulgarian valk, meaning wolf.

Velvel: Wolf

Vígolfr: The battling wolf.

Wolf: The animal wolf.

Wolfgang: Wolf strife

Wolfram: Wolf and raven.

Ylfa: A female wolf.

Zeev: Hebrew word for wolf.

Zev: Wolf  TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/wolf-names/

900+ Surprisingly Beautiful Sounding Elf Names

Maybe you’re pregnant and searching for baby names. Maybe you’re about to start a new game of D&D and need character names. Maybe you’re playing a video game or creating a new username for social media and want to sound as badass as possible.

No matter what your situation currently is, here are some elf names that are one-of-a-kind:

Aego

Aelrindel

Aerendyl

Aeson

Afamrail

Agis

Ailmar

Aithlin

Akkar

Alabyran

Aranel

Arazorwyn

Abadda

Abarat

Adamar

Adorellan

Adresin

Aduce

Aelrindel

Aerendyl

Aermhar

Aesar

Aeson

Afamrail

Agis

Aglanthol

Ainésilver

Aithlin

Ajaar

Akhelbhen

Akkar

Alabyran

Albondiel

Alinar

Allain

Alok

Alosrin

Althidon

Amrynn

Anarallath

Aemma

Akash

Alaesa

Alaglossa

Alais

Alauthshae

Alavara

Alea

Alerathla

Allannia

Alloralla

Alys

Amaryll

Aquilaen

Aredhel

Arwen

Axilia

Ayaeqlarune

Azariah

Baelen

Beala

Bhuraelea

Blythswana

Bonnalurie

Braerindra

Bele

Beluar

Biafyndar

Baerdelcoam

Baerithryn

Belanor

Beldroth

Bellas

Belstram

Beluar

Bhyrindaar

Biafyndar

Bialaer

Braern

Brindarry

Buttorwyr

Bialaer

Braern

Briareth

Cameron

Celeborn

Celebrimbor

Chathanglas

Cheyrth

Círdan

Cluhurach

Cluym

Cohnal

Conall

Connak

Cornaith

Corym

Curunir

Cymbiir

Cystenn

Caerthynna

Calarel

Cauladra

Celebrían

Chandrelle

Chasianna

Chichlandra

Chin’nesstre

Chomylla

Ciyradyl

Chozzaster

Chylnoth

Cluhurach

Cluym

Cohnal

Conall

Connak

Cornaith

Corym

Cymbiir

Cystenn

Daealla

Daena

Dakath

Dannyd

Daratrine

Darcassan

Darfin

Darthoridan

Deldrach

Delmuth

Delsaran

Dhoelath

Divisav

Drannor

Droth

Druindar

Durlan

Durothil

Dyffros

Daenestra

Daenys

Daeondra

Doreah

Daeharice

Daemeon

Dakat

Dalyor

Darcassan

Dior

Elaria

Elenwe

Ellania

Earynspieir

Edansyr

Edicûve

Edwyrd

Edyrm

Ehlark

Ehrendil

Eilauver

Elaethan

Elaith

Elandorr

Elanjar

Elashor

Elbauthin

Elbereth

Eldaernth

Eldar

Eldrin

Elénaril

Elenshaer

Elephon

Elhieardacil

Elidyr

Elion

Elkhazel

Ellisar

Elorfindar

Elorshin

Elpaerae

Eltaor

Eltargrim

Emmyth

Entrydal

Erendriel

Erglareo

Eriladar

Erlan

Erlathan

Eroan

Erolith

Eschallus

Estelar

Ethlando

Ettrian

Euchoé

Evindal

Eyrynnhv

Elora

Earendil

Edrahil

Eladithas

Elanjar

Elaran

Elashor

Elbauthin

Elbereth

Eldaernth

Eldar

Eldrin

Elénaril

Elenshaer

Elrond

Eluchil

Elwin

Erlan

Erlathan

Eroan

Erolith

Eschallus

Estelar

Etchelion

Ethlando

Ettrian

Evindal

Elwing

Elyssa

Fhaertala

Filaurel

Filauria

Faelar

Faelyn

Faeranduil

Falael

Fëanor

Fenris

Filvendor

Fingolfin

Finrod

Folduin

Fildaerae

Finduilas

Faahresc

Faelar

Faelyn

Faeranduil

Falael

Faoraar

Felaern

Fenian

Fflar

Fhaornik

Fhociin

Filarion

Filvendor

Filverel

Finufaranell

Flardryn

Flinar

Foxfire

Fylson

Fraeya

Gaelira

Gaerradh

Galadriel

Gaelin

Galaeron

Galan

Galather

Ganamede

Gantar

Garrik

Garynnon

Giilvas

Giullio

Glarald

Glorandal

Goronyyv

Grathgor

Gaylia

Gael

Gaemon

Gil-galad

Glynkas

Ghilanna

Gilgalad

Glorfindel

Glynnii

Gweyr

Gwynnestri

Gylledha

Haalija

Hacathra

Haemir

Hagduin

Haladavar

Halafarin

Haryk

Hastos

Hatharal

Herbalar

Horith

Hubyr

Haela

Halaema

Halaena

Halama

Halanaestra

Hameada

Haalaari

Hachaam

Haemir

Haladavar

Halafarin

Halamar

Haldreithen

Halflar

Halgondas

Halpaeril

Halueth

Halueve

Haryk

Hastos

Hatharal

Hiflanyl

Hoccar

Horith

Hubyr

Holcene

Holone

Hycis

Iahalae

Ialantha

Iefyr

Ievos

Ihimbraskar

Ilbryn

Illianaro

Ilimitar

Iliphar

Ilitharath

Illithor

Illitran

Ilphas

Ilrune

Ilthuryn

Ilyndrathyl

Inchel

Inialos

Injros

Intevar

Iolas

Iolrath

Itham

Ithraides

Ivlisar

Ivósaar

Ivran

Iymbryl

Iyrandrar

Iyriklaunavan

Idril

Ikeshia

Ilmadia

Iarmenor

Iefyr

Ievos

Ilbryn

Iliven

Ilthuryn

Inarie

Inchel

Inialos

Injros

Intevar

Iolas

Ilyrana

Ilythyrra

Imdalace

Imizael

Irithiel

Ithirae

Iziuel

Jassin

Jhaan

Jhaartael

Jhaeros

Jahandra

Jandar

Jannalor

Jaonos

Jassin

Jhaan

Jhaartael

Jhaeros

Jharak

Jharym

Jhuvik

Jonas

Jonik

Jorildyn

Josidiah

Juppar

Kaeda

Kaylessa

Keara

Kelkalyn

Kevan

Klaern

Kolvar

Kuornos

Kuskyn

Kymil

Kyrenic

Kyrtaar

Keerla

Keishara

Kethryllia

Keya

Kyrrha

Kahvoerm

Kalaerede

Katar

Katyr

Keletheryl

Kelvhan

Kendel

Kerym

Keryth

Kesefehon

Khaalindaan

Kharis

Khatar

Khidell

Khiiral

Khilseith

Khuumal

Khyrmn

Khyssoun

Kindroth

Kivessin

Kiyuigh

Klaern

Kolvar

Korrigash

Kroloth

Kuornos

Kymil

Kyrtaar

Kythaela

Laamtora

Laeanna

Lafarallin

Lamruil

Laosx

Larongar

Larrel

Lashul

Lathai

Lathlaeril

Leayonadas

Leojym

Lhombaerth

Lhoris

Lianthorn

Llarm

Llewellenar

Llombaerth

Lorsan

Luirlan

Luthais

Luvon

Lyari

Lyklor

Lysanthir

Laena

Laerdya

Lazziar

Leandra

Leilatha

Legolas

Liluth

Llamryl

Lorelei

Lúthien

Lyraesel

Maaleshiira

Maegelle

Maelyrra

Maeralya

Mariah

Meara

Mereena

Merlara

Miriel

Morwen

Maendellyn

Maeraddyth

Maeral

Maiele

Malgath

Mardeiym

Marikoth

Marlevaur

Melandrach

Melisander

Merellien

Merith

Methild

Mhaenal

Mi’tilarro

Mihangyl

Miilaethorn

Miirphys

Mirthal

Mlartlar

Mlossae

Molonym

Molostroi

Montagor

Morgan

Morthil

Mothrys

Mourn

Myrddin

Myriil

Myrin

Myronthilar

Mythanthar

Mylaela

Maiele

Mithrandir

Molonym

Molostroi

Montagor

Morgan

Morthil

Myrddin

Myriil

Myrin

Mythanthar

Myrynda

Naertho

Naeryndam

Napraeleon

Narbeth

Nardual

Neldor

Nesterin

Nevarth

Nhamashal

Nieven

Nindrol

Ninthalor

Nlossae

Nopos

Norlorn

Nremyn

Nuvian

Nyaalsir

Nylian

Nym

Nyvorlas

Nuovis

Naertho

Napraeleon

Narbeth

Nardual

Nelaeryn

Nerilamin

Nesterin

Nevarth

Nhamashal

Nieven

Nindr

Nym

Nushala

Nylaathria

Ochyllyss

Oacenth

Oenel

Ohmbryn

Olaurae

Olinsivver

Olithir

Onas

Oncith

Ondabrar

Ondroth

Onvyr

Orist

Orlpar

Orndacil

Ortauré

Orym

Oslarelar

Otaehryn

Otaerhyn

Othorion

Oluevaera

Onas

Oribel

Oritris

Orndacil

Ornthalas

Orris

Orym

Oslarelar

Otaehryn

Othorion

Phaerl

Phantyni

Phelorna

Phuingara

Paeral

Paeris

Phaendar

Pharom

Phraan

Pirphal

Pleufan

Purtham

Pyrder

Phyrra
Paeral

Paeris

Passilorris

Paulorin

Phaendar

Pharom

Phraan

Pirphal

Pleufan

Purtham

Pyrder

Pyrravym

Pywaln

Pyxaanthal

Qildor

Quastarte

Quynn

Quaela

Quaeth

Quamara

Raejiisa

Raeranthur

Raibyr

Ralikanthae

Ralnor

Rathal

Raunaeril

Rauthomyr

Rauvelore

Reluraun

Reluvethel

Rennyn

Reptar

Respen

Rhaac’var

Rhalyf

Rhangyl

Rhenalyrr

Rhespen

Rhistel

Rhothomir

Rhys

Rilitar

Riluaneth

Rolim

Rotheloe

Rothilion

Ruardh

Ruehar

Ruith

Rumathil

Ruvaen

Ruven

Ruvyn

Rychell

Ryfon

Ryul

Ryvvik

Raerauntha

Raegel

Raunaeril

Ravaphine

Reysalor

Rhistel

Rathiain

Reinys

Renestrae

Rubrae

Ryllae

Saelihn

Saélihn

Saeya

Saelethil

Saevel

Seiveril

Sharian

Siirist

Silvyr

Sudryl

Sasha

Shalana

Shalantha

Shalheira

Shandalar

Shanyrria

Sharaera

Sheedra

Shiera

Shyael

Sadalymn

Saevel

Sakrattars

Samblar

Sandevv

Seanchai

Seith

Selanlar

Selgauth

Shael

Shammath

Sharian

Sharlario

Shaundyl

Shevarash

Shonassir

Shyrrik

Siirist

Silvyr

Simimar

Sinaht

Skalanis

Sontar

Srindin

Strohm

Sudryl

Sundamar

Sylvar

Symkalr

Sythaeryn

Shyllisyrr

Sinnafain

Soliania

Soora

Sorsasta

Susklahava

Sylmae

Symrustar

Syndra

Synnorha

Syrenese

Syrune

Syviis

Taena

Taenya

Taeriel

Takari

Talaedra

Talanashta

Talila

Talilia

Talindra

Taenaran

Taerntym

Tamnaeuth

Tannivh

Tassarion

Tehlmar

Therona

Thingol

Thranduil

Toross

Travaran

Triandal

Turgon

Tamara

Tarasynora

Teharissa

Tiatha

Tsarra

Tyria

Taanyth

Taegen

Taeglyn

Taeral

Taerntym

Taleisin

Tammson

Tamnaeuth

Tamsin

Tanithil

Tannivh

Tannyll

Tanseril

Tanyl

Taranath

Tarathiel

Taredd

Tarosspur

Tarron

Tasar

Tassarion

Tathaln

Tehlmar

Teirist

Tenyajn

Tethir

Thalanil

Thallan

Thatoryl

Thiilthan

Thurdan

Thurruvyn

Tiarshus

Tlannatar

Tolthe

Tordynnar

Toross

Traeliorn

Travaran

Triandal

Triktappic

Tsaer

Tsiilmas

Tyvollus

Ualair

Uevareth

Uldreiyn

Urddusk

Usunaar

Uthorim

Urmicca

Usunaar

Uthorim

Vaella

Valindra
Vaalyun

Vaeril

Valmaxian

Vander

Vartan

Velethuil

Venali

Vesperr

Vesryn

Vesstan

Vhoadan

Vhoori

Vhoorhin

Volodar

Voron

Veara

Vestele

Viansola

Vaalyun

Vaegon

Vaeril

Venrie

Virjeon

Violen

Viserra

Waernas

Wistari

Wylchyr

Wylym

Wyn

Wyndelleu

Wyqhael

Wyrran

Xalph

Xanotter

Xhalh

Xhalth

Xharlion

Yalathanil

Yeschant

Yhendorn

Ylyndar

Ynloeth

Yaereene

Yalanilue

Yathlanae

Ynshael

Yrlissa

Yhendorn

Ylyndar

Yrneha

Yrniela

Zeale

Zabbas

Zaltarish

Zandro

Zaor

Zaos

Zelphar

Zhoron

Zulae

Zhuirentel

Zabbas

Zaltarish TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/elf-names/

80+ Hair-Raisingly Hilarious Bunny Puns That Will Crack You Up

Bunnies are adorable. They make the perfect pets, because they are quiet, easy to clean up after, and have a relatively long lifespan — not to mention how cute and cuddly they are. Anyone would be happy to have a furry friend like that!

If you are not lucky enough to have a rabbit of your own, you can still enjoy these surprisingly hilarious bunny puns:

1. Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.

2. How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.

3. What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.

4. Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.

5. What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.

6. If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.

7. Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.

8. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?Bugs bunny

9. How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.

10. What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!

11. What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!

12. What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.

13. How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.

14. Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.

15. How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.

16. What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!

17. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!

18. What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!

19. Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!

20. What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.

21. Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!

22. Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!

23. I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.

24. The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.

25. I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.

26. What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!

27. What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.

28. What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.

29. What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny! 

30. What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.

31. What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.

32. Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.

33. What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.

34. Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.

35. What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.

36. How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.

37. How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!

38. Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.

39. How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!

40. Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.

41. Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!

42. Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!

43. Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!

44. How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.

45. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.

46. Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!

47. How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy? Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!

48. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!

49. Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!

50. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!

51. What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.

52. What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!

53. Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!

54. What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.

55. Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!

56. Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!

57. Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”

58. Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.

59. What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.

60. What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?

61. What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.

62. Some bunny needs vodka.

63. You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.

64. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.

65. What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.

66. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.

67. I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.

68. I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.

69. I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.

70. I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.

71. What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.

72. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.

73. Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.

74. What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.

75. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.

76. Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.

77. What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.

78. What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”

79. What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.

80. What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.

81. What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.

82. Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it. TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/bunny-puns/

These Pictures Of Different Kinds Of Dads Will Make You Want To Call Yours

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Photographer Giedre Gomes does beautiful portraits of families and especially children, ones that look exactly like what you’d want to frame and hang on your mantle. She recently went viral for a photo series that was a fairly big departure from her usual genre. It featured pictures of moms in their everyday lives, trying to care for their kids and keep their lives functioning. Anyone who has ever had to corral a bunch of children under the age of ten probably recognizes this moment on the toilet, all privacy sacrificed:

Or perhaps multi-tasking in the kitchen:

For Father’s Day, Gomes wanted to do a new series, according to a post she wrote for Bored Panda.

“Now that I am a mother myself, I watch my husband, my friends’ husbands, see how they interact with their children,” she writes. “I catch myself comparing them with my own father. It’s funny how different they all are but at the end they love their children unconditionally.”

Gomes tried to grab a snapshot of all the dads she knows, and share some of the humor, work, and fun of being a dad. 

For example, dads also do some of their parenting from the toilet:

But also in the great outdoors:

They’re available to model for aspiring makeup artists:

And join in for tea parties with some princesses:

They’re also great at multi-tasking:

Making sure everyone stays hydrated:

Keeping the kids in line:

And the fish on line:

The good dads also take care of clean up:

But first they play some games:

And don’t forget their skincare routine:

But sometimes it’s nice when dad can take a break:

Before he gets back to work:

You gotta be strong to keep everyone afloat:

But also make time for yourself:

And maybe a nap.

Happy Father’s Day! And don’t forget to follow Gomes here

Source : http://www.distractify.com/relationships/2018/06/12/Z2pbnfP/different-dads-photographs

Patton Oswalt Just Shared The Most Anthony Bourdain Email Of All Time

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Anthony Bourdain is known as a titan of the culinary world. An authority on great cuisine. Some would even go so far as to call him a celebrity chef.

A moniker that Bourdain became famous for hating on. His book, Kitchen Confidential, which launched him into the stratosphere and helped make him a household name, was a stunningly well written tell-all that outed himself and other line cooks/chefs as being drug-addled madmen who happened to have a passion for amazing food. 

Bourdain even went so far as to make fun of celebrity chefs. His tell-it-like-it-is, devil-may-care bluntness was poetic – because he cut to the core of what he loved/hated about culinary culture.

He looked and acted like a member of The Ramones that picked up a knife set instead of a guitar and stumbled into a kitchen instead of a sound stage. 

Unfortunately, Bourdain took his own life, leaving behind his 11-year-old daughter, along with the amazing persona he had developed over the years.

A persona that was evident down to his email correspondence. Patton Oswalt shared an image of a message he received from Bourdain after he had asked him for suggestions on what to do while honeymooning in Paris with his wife, Meredith Salenger.

Oswalt gave Bourdain a list of suggestions he had received from friends and family members and the No Reservations host responded in his trademark style:

Patton,

I’m a fan and an admirer so gotta tell you this is no way to enjoy Paris.

F*** them. All of them. They’re THERE, everywhere. You will see them from the car window as you go and do important s*** like live your life. In Paris !

Try and plan as little as possible.

Le Comptoire is great. Amazing food and perfect atmosphere.  Show early and squeeze in to L’Avant Comptoire next door.

Le Dome for shellfish tower

Rue Mouffetard for the market

And sandwiche jambon or fresh croissant anywhere at right time.

People responded to Oswalt’s tweet, telling him what he most definitely already knows.

And others couldn’t stop nodding their heads, calling the email “classic Bourdain.”

Tons of celebrities and prominent figures spoke up in the wake of Bourdain’s death.

Some shared personal experiences they had with the man.

And tributes/condolences are popping up all over social media for him.

Including people who worked or lived with Bourdain.

And those who worked in the same industry as the artist.

Whenever a noteworthy person passes away there’s no shortage of theories as to why they did it. But the real answer is depression. If you or anyone you know is depressed, get help:  1-800-273-8255.

Source : http://www.distractify.com/trending/2018/06/12/1iDza/patton-oswalt-bourdain-email

80+ Bee Puns That Are Un-BEE-lievably Funny

You might run the other way when you see a bee because you are worried about getting stung, but those tiny little creatures are actually good for the environment. Most of the food we eat relies on their pollination. We wouldn’t be able to survive without them.

Not to mention, there are a bunch of bee puns that you can use to lighten the mood in any conversation! Here are some of the best bee puns that you can make everyone laugh with:

1. Why do bees get married? Because they found their honey!

2. The worst part about getting stung by bees is that the following day you are going to have to take care of those hives.

3. What did one bee say to the other when they landed on the same flower? Buzz off.

4. I know that I have never seen a humming bird but I certainly did see a spelling bee.

5. We always buy our natural honey from the same bees because they always give us their swarm wishes.

6. Bees can fly in the rain if they are wearing their little yellow jackets.

7. When a bee is in your hand, what’s in your eye? Beauty. Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

8. The younger generation of bees love the musician Sting.

9. Speaking of music, all bees can relate to the pop band the Bee Gees.

10. All bees love the honey-moon part of their relationships more than anything else.

11. The only one who can protect the Queen Bee is her hub-bee.

12. What’s a bee’s favorite Spice Girls song? Wanna-bee!

13. The bee was fired from the barber shop because the only thing he could do was give a buzz-cut.

14. The little bees favorite type of candy is of course bumble gum.

15. A bee that will not stop eating will eventually become a little chub-bee.

16. A bee styles their hair with a honeycomb.

17. What do bees like with their sushi? Wasa-bee!

18. Bee puns really sting.

19. They asked the beekeeper to move his business out of town because he was creating quite a buzz around town.

20. The swarm of teenage bees all loved The Beatles and their “Let it Bee” album.

21. What’s a happy bumblebee’s blood type? Bee positive!

22. Only bees who are on their best bee-havior get to go to the hive and make honey.

23. Who’s a bee’s favorite singer? Bee-yoncé.

24. As soon as the bees were finished making their hive they threw a big house swarming party for the rest of the group.

25. That bee certainly deserved the promotion at work, he was always so buzzy on the job.

26. That bee is talking too quietly, it must be a mumble-bee!

27. The bee who loved to fly backwards would often be heard going zzub zzub zzub.

28. That pretentious wasp is just plain snob-bee!

29. When you cross a doorbell and a bee you wind up with a hum-dinger.

30. That single bee finally got married because he found his honey.

31. The worker bee decided to take a vacation to Stingapore last year.

32. The bee that resides in America is also known as a USB.

33. Remember, bee puns are good for your health, they give you a dose of Vitamin Bee!

34. Quit pollen my leg.

35. Bee children take the school buzz to get to school.

36. What kind of bees drop things? Fumble bees!

37. To bee or not to bee, that is the question!

38. Just bee yourself. You’ll think of something to come up with.

39. A bee’s favorite sport is rug-bee.

40. What is the last thing to go through a bee’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its stinger.

41. Who’s a bee’s favorite painter? Pablo Bee-casso!

42. What happens when a bee burps near the queen? It gets a royal pardon.

43. The bees favorite guns?  BeeBee guns, I suppose.

44. On the first day of class, bee students are given a sylla-buzz.

45. What is a swarm of really small queen bees called? The royal wee.

46. These bee puns are just winging it.

47. What’s black and yellow and flies at 30,000 feet? A bee on an airplane.

48. The one item the bees never forget to bring to the beach are their frisbees.

49. Bee puns aren’t that great. I don’t get what all the buzz is about.

50. The bee bank robber would always tell the bank tellers “Your honey or your life.”

51. A combination of a bumble bee and a race dog will give you a Greyhound Buzz.

52. Why did the bee want to use the phone? To say hi to their honey.

53. Bees love the summer because it is very swarm outside.

54. The only thing more dangerous that being with a fool is fooling with a bee.

55. Wasp are you talking about?

56. A Queen Bee will only eat hum-burgers at Burger King.

57. The baby bee was affectionately known as a little hum-bug.

58. The talkative bee earned a reputation as being blab-bee.

59. The little bees are always humming because they forgot the words to the song.

60. When a bee writes a sonnet, they’re waxing poetic.

61. A bee who is good in math knows exactly what a rhom-buzz is.

62. Female bees have a particular affection for ru-bee rings.

63. A bee’s favorite haircut is a buzz cut!

64. The killer bee was so effective because he used a large buzz-ooka.

65. The teacher kept telling the naughty bee to bee-hive himself or she would call in his parents.

66. A bee’s favorite novel is the Great Gats-bee.

67. Bees that are born in the month of May are considered to be May-Bees.

68. A wasp is nothing more than a wanna-bee.

69. What do you call a bee that’s a sore loser? A cry bay-bee!

70. Did you know that bears without ears are commonly referred to as B’s.

71. The father bee was in such great shape for his age because he always took his vitamin-bee.

72. Hey! Hey! You! You! I don’t like your bee-friend.

73. When the bee went to the blood bank, he asked if they were in need of any bee positive blood.

74. The male bee was such a romantic, he kept pollen in love with all the female bees

75. A bee that’s been put under a spell has been bee-witched!

76. After the bee scored the winning basketball shot, the entire team wanted to give him a hive-five.

77. Never play hide and seek with the swarm because they will always wind up bee-hind you.

78. Roses are red, violets are blue, killer bees are all over you.

79. Mind your own beeswax.

80. Naughty bee children really need to beehive.

81. I can’t help pollen in love with you.

82. Hive never felt this way bee-fore.

83. The bees went on strike because they wanted more honey and less working flowers.

84. What’s a bee’s favorite flower? Bee-gonias!

85. Say, these bee puns aren’t too shab-bee. TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/bee-puns/

The 30+ Best Short Sex Jokes That Are Funny/Raunchy

LOL’ing and having sex, the two best pleasures in life, sit back and enjoy all these sex jokes.

Without further ado, here’s the funny sex jokes

1. A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a busty blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food. He looks up at the menu above the bar it says:

  • Hot dog – $2
  • Cheeseburger – $5
  • Hand job – $10

He asks the waitress, “Miss are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” She winks and replies, “why yes I am.” He says, “Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

2. What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? Computers don’t laugh at 3.5″ floppies.

3. Dosen’t the term “staff member” make you laugh? Becasuse both of those words mean penis.

4. The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was Timbuktu. First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination—Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

5. How to get laid: lay on bed, wait two hours, lay becomes past tense.

6. A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom, the man has no issues but the woman can’t reach an orgasm, she tells her husband it is because she gets too warm.

After going to see a specialist, he recommended that they have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom, so the man asks his best friend to waft a towel whilst him and his wife make love.

Begrudgingly, he submits and says yes.

After 20 minutes of love making, the woman is no closer to orgasm whilst the man is nearly finished and wants to hold out, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places until he is ready to do more. So the friend is now having sex with the woman while the man wafts the towel.

After 2 minutes the woman starts to tremble and lets out an incredible cry as she reaches the most intense orgasm she has ever had.

The man looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims “now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel.”

7. I used to date an English teacher, but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.

8. Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. Flustered, one says “Who is it?” followed by a man’s voice saying “Blind man”. Figuring the man wouldn’t see anything they open the door. The man walks in and says “Nice tits ladies. Now where do you want me to install these blinds?”

9. Dougall O’Reilly is at the pub one night when he climbs to feet: “I got one fer ya!” he says, “I got one!” The crowd quiets. “Here’s to spendin’ the rest o’ me life, lyin’ between the legs ‘o me wife!” It’s an easy audience, everyone’s half cut, and wouldn’t you know? He wins the prize for best toast of the night!

Another hour later, Dougall wobbles home and in the back door. He snaps a £20 note and presents it to his wife: “Mary, guess who won the prize fer the best toast o’ the night?”

“Oh, isn’t that lovely?” says Mary, “And what was this wonderful toast you made?”

“I said Here’s to spendin’ the rest of me life, lyi– er, uh, settin’ in church beside me wife.

“That’s… nice, Dougall.” she says, looking puzzled.

Next day, she’s on High Street to get something nice for dinner with the wee bounty, when she runs smack into one of Dougall’s drinking buddies. “Hey, Mary,” he says, leering, “Didja know Dougall won a prize with a toast about yer last night?”

“I know!” she says, “though I was a bit surprised meself. I mean, he’s only been there twice in four years, and the last time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”

10. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Makes choking sounds.

11. A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father, “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?”

The father replies, “Making a baby.”The little boy says, “Can you turn mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”

12. A man is in a lift (elevator) with a beautiful woman. he looks her up and down, leans forward and says to her “Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?”
“Certainly not!” she replies “It must be your feet then.” says the man.

13. A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”

The man decides to try it and dresses up in his best God costume. At 8 o’clock, he sees the nun and appears before her.

“Oh, god!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!”

The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud anal sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”

“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

14. Two nuns are riding bikes along a cobbled road. One turns to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before”. The other replies, “Neither have I. It must be the cobbles”.

15. Guy sitting at a bar, his friend comes up to him and asks ‘why are you looking so down?’

‘Well, you know that woman at my office that I get an erection over even just thinking about, I finally got the courage to ask her out’

‘That’s awesome, what happened?’

‘Before the date, I was nervous about getting a hard on in front of her so I taped my penis to my leg so even if I got a boner, she wouldn’t see it’

‘Good thinking, what happened next?’

‘I knocked on her door and she looks absolutely amazing, like proper humdinging’

‘Niiiice. And?’

‘I kicked her in the face’

16. When King Arthur went on the crusades he left behind his most trusted knights of the round table to watch over his beautiful queen Guenivere. Her beauty was such that no man in the land could withstand it. Knowing this, wise King Arthur affixed her with a chastity belt, which on the outside had many spikes and snags to disuade any competitors.

When he returned from the crusades he called a meeting of his knights, and demanded they all drop their trousers to see who had been unfaithful and had attempted to lay with Guenivere. All the men except Good Sir Lancelot had scars and cuts on their thighs and genitals, showing that they had been unfaithful to King Arthur. Arthur said: “Lancelot my friend, wisest, noblest and kindest of all my Knights, how did you resist the beauty of Guinevere?” Lancelot responded: “ifluvllvl fvlvuusshh fahfahlavulah”

This joke is best when told in public and incredibly overperformed with storytelling and accents and such, as my uncle did when he told it to 14 year old me at a fine dining restaurant

17. A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.

18. A 9 year old girl came up to her mother and said “whats sex?” the mother sat her down and gave “the talk”. after explaining she asked her daughter why she asked? and the daughter said “I told dad dinner was ready and he said he would be down in a few secs”

19. Two ladies are sitting in a veterinary waiting room with their dogs. One of them has a large Rottweiler. She peers over at the other and asks “what are you in for?”

The second has a tiny Terrier. She looks up abruptly and replies “ohhhh well Rosco here gets so excited when the mail is delivered. He runs all over the house and then mounts my leg. I can’t do anything with him in that state… so I’m having him fixed. How about you?”

The first lady snaps back “oh my! I have the same issue with Brutus here! When I go out to get the paper, as soon as I bend down he’s all over me!”

“Oh you’re getting him fixed then?”

“No, I’m getting his nails trimmed…”

20. A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole. She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said “honey, he just wanted to see your underwear.” The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said “I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole.” Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother “mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn’t wear any underwear.”

21. A family walks into the lobby of a hotel when the father quickly approaches the front desk ahead of his family. He asks the receptionist “I hope the porn in the room is disabled”. As the rest of the family approach the desk, the receptionist responds “it’s just regular porn, you sick fuck.”

22. If blackbirds make baby blackbirds and bluebirds make baby bluebirds, what kind of bird makes no baby bird? Swallows.

23. Four nuns die and arrive at the pearly gates. Saint Peter is there and asks the first nun if she had ever touched a penis.

“Yes,” she admits. “I once touched a penis with the tip of my finger.”

“Dip your finger into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven,” says Saint Peter. The nun dips her finger in the holy water and enters heaven.

Saint Peter asks the same question of the second nun.

“Yes,” she admits. “I once touched a penis with one hand.”

“Dip your hand into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven,” says Saint Peter. The second nun complies and enters heaven.

At this point, the fourth nun abruptly cuts in line.

“Hang on!” she says, pointing at the third nun. “You’d better let me go next, because there’s no way I’m gargling that shit after she sticks her ass in it!”

24. A bank manager called into his office one of his employees to tell her about the company downsizing. After some small talk, he finally mustered up the courage to break the news. He said,

“Mary, I’m not sure how to say this to you, but I’ve got a tough decision to make. I’ve either got to lay you or Jack off.”

Mary stands up, looked him in the eyes and said,

“Jack off. I’ve got a headache.”

25. Two elderly women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up to them and flashes them. One woman had a stroke. The other couldn’t reach.

26. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class “Which part of the body went to heaven first?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl.

Then a little boy raises his hand and says, “I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love. “Very good,” said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny’s hand up. “Oh no”, she thought, “I’m not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?”

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, “Your feet.” The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, “Well, I was walking past my parents’ bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, “Oh god, I’m coming!”

27. How does a Welsh man find a sheep in tall grass??? Quite lovely, actually.

28. Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed. Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss. “What do you think we should do?” she asks. Father frowns and responds “Well I guess spanking him is out of the question”

29. A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

“Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said: “Meow.”

30. A man comes home to his wife with a sheep under his arm.

He says “Honey, this is the pig I fuck when I’m not with you.”

“That’s not a pig,” she says.

He replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”

31.  A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says “Mom what’s that thing hang down from the elephant?” She answers “That’s his trunk” “no in the back” ” thats his tail” “No underneath” The mother blushes and says “Oh that’s nothing” The daughter is confused so she asks her dad. “Dad what’s that thing hanging down under the elephant?” “Oh that’s his penis” “Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing?” “Oh, she’s just spoiled.”

32. My girlfriend thought I’d be a pushover in bed, and wouldn’t you know it, she had me pegged from the start.

33. She said if I bought her cute underwear I could see her wearing it. I told her: “If I buy you nothing, can I see you wearing that.”

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/january-nelson/2018/06/sex-jokes/

I Thought It Was ‘Just’ Sleep Paralysis. Please Don’t Be Like Me.

3:40

I have had sleep paralysis since I was an early teen. It is such a terrifying experience! Words can’t do it justice. Anybody that has suffered from it can attest to this. Sleep was now a nightly ordeal of terror. Dread consumed me. I knew with certainty that I would wake up at some point in the evening halfway between sleep and waking life powerless to move all while… He … watched.

Eventually, I did some research and the scientific explanation for what I was experiencing gave me a modicum of comfort. When I would have a bout with sleep paralysis, the rational account of what was happening to me put me at ease. I could force myself to wake and ignore… Him. With time I stopped having episodes and moved on with my life. That is, until the events of the last few nights. Now I don’t know what I’m going to lose first, my mind, my life, or my soul. So, I write.

3:50

Did you know sleep paralysis takes place during REM sleep? Our bodies are paralyzed during this phase of sleep. It is where our most vivid dreams occur, and if we were capable of movement during this time, we would be acting out all of our dreams in real life. Sleep paralysis happens when REM sleep is interrupted. The person wakes up and is aware, but they are incapable of moving. This period is also marked in some with intense hallucinations. A great deal of the claims in bygone eras of demon possession, succubi, and even modern accounts of alien abduction were just people suffering from sleep paralysis and ascribing a supernatural explanation to something easily described by science. Well, that is the rationalization for this phenomenon, needless to say, now I have my doubts.

3:58

For over a decade the Man in red ribbons has been waiting for me, always in my peripheral vision hunched in the corner of my room. Even though this has been occurring for the past 12 years, I have never gotten a good look at Him. A whisper would escape the corner of my room. I could never quite make out what He said, and if I struggled hard enough, I was able to break His invisible binds and bring myself back to the waking world. As mentioned above, over time it stopped. Palpable relief gave way to sheer terror when it began again last Friday. Now, for the past few nights, I not only fear for my sanity, I fear for my life.

4:01

Did you know that the tiny pocket on the front of your jeans was originally designed to hold pocket watches? I always wondered what it was for. Speaking of jeans, the word originates from the city of Genoa. You see, the French referred to the city as Genes…

4:03

Last Friday I remember comfortably sliding into bed after a long day at work. I live alone and as of late had really cherished the solace of my bed on nights like this. I was invited out for drinks and typical weekend revelry, but I was much too tired and was enthusiastically looking forward to a full night’s sleep. I closed my eyes as sleep overtook me. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and not being able to move my body. Oh great, I thought, here we go again. I hadn’t had an episode in over a year. The initial feeling of panic receded briefly as I reminded myself that I was just in sleep paralysis, and it would pass. I surveyed my surroundings. At first, all I could see was the light from the street lamp coming in through my open window and the time on my digital alarm clock. I calmly waited to fully wake up. I avoided looking at the corner of my bedroom where I know He resides, but foolish curiosity got the better of me. Normally, His figure was hunched over, but this time I could see He was standing.

Jesus, the height of this thing.

The red ribbons that surrounded Him flowed in the still air of the room carried on a nonexistent wind. They obscured His face. Occasionally I would catch a brief glimpse of His eyes. They were bright yellow, an impossible, saffron hue. In the few milliseconds they were revealed, they gave me the coldest most hateful glance that I have ever received in my life. That look was unmistakable. It was one of seething hatred.

Malevolence.

I know if those ribbons ever dropped away, and I had to look at that face. I will either go mad or die. There is no middle ground.

I just know it.

As I have mentioned, I can bring myself out of the paralysis if I struggle enough. I quickly fought with my body, forcing it with every fiber of my being to wake up. All while He whispered the same incomprehensible phrase over and over again. I turned my head toward that corner in my room only to see that the man was gone. Sweet relief consumed me. I had finally woken up.

4:08

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln is in the Wrestling Hall of Fame? Speaking of wrestlers, did you know that John Cena holds the record for most Make a Wish Foundation fulfillments? What an awesome dude…

4:10

The next night I fell asleep with much trepidation. I was rattled to my core. In all my years with sleep paralysis, He had never moved toward me.

And Jesus that look in His eyes.

I awoke again locked in the throes of paralysis. I noted the time on the clock and immediately turned my gaze with a laser like focus on the corner of the room where He now stood. He was in exactly the same position I had seen Him the night before.

To my absolute horror He rose and began to float off of the ground. The red ribbons whipping around His figure, obscuring His face while occasionally revealing those odious eyes. He rose to the ceiling and began, to my horror, slowly but surely inching His way towards me. His limbs made a popping sound as they turned backwards and clutched the ceiling. The whispering grew louder, and to my terror I could finally make out the message he had been harassing me with all these years.

What can it mean?

Understanding washed over me.

Oh God!?!

I clutched my chest as my heart threatened to burst out of my rib cage. I could feel my mind become further unhinged. I won’t write down what he said for fear of making it that more real, but now I know he was coming for me, body and soul. I, as quickly as I was capable of doing so, woke myself up.

The following night (last night) the same thing occurred. I looked to see the time on the clock. Its bright redness screamed out the time into the darkness of my room, 4:30 just like the previous two nights. With fear and apprehension, I turned my gaze to the ceiling to see the man crawling towards me, precisely in the same position he was the previous night. With every movement his limbs cracked. His voice began to fill my head. It threatened to burst my skull with his demonic message. I struggled and struggled to wake myself, but as he moved closer, the feeling of paralysis grew stronger. I could feel an evil emanating from this being, a wholly malicious energy holding me in place. There’s no other way to describe it.

It felt like death itself.

I finally awoke as the Man over my bed began to descend towards my sleeping body.

4:17

Did you know that what most people think are a horse’s knees are actually its wrists? Their skeletal structure is different than that of humans. The bones that correspond to our wrists (carpal bones) are what we are looking at when we think we see a horse’s “knee”. Isn’t that fascinating? Who am I kidding? There is no way I am going to be able to distract my mind from the Man and His impending return tonight. And those words that started as a whisper and ended up screaming inside my head.

(Stop! Don’t write it down. You’re going to make it true!)

“6/12/18. In the next world, you’ll never sleep again.”

4:25

Forget what I wrote above. That’s just ridiculous. The machinations of a stressed out mind on the edge. I am just experiencing sleep paralysis and there is nothing supernatural occurring here. As a matter of fact, I am staying awake past 4:30 just to prove to myself that that is the case. If I don’t sleep, I won’t experience hallucinations and… He… won’t come. That is that.

The more I think about it the more absurd it all seems. The Man surrounded by red ribbons. Yeah, right. It’s just a hallucination, a symptom of a disorder with a perfectly scientific explanation. What an idiot I have been. I’ve let fear and ignorance overtake my rational mind. I feel like such a moron.

4:30

Did you know…

Oh, Jesus. TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/cliff-barlow/2018/06/i-thought-it-was-just-sleep-paralysis-dont-be-like-me/

I Want A Love That Lasts

love that lasts
Unsplash / Sarandy Westfall

I do not want a temporary love. A fleeting romance. The kind of relationship that feels like paradise at first but then turns to dust when the first problem arises.

I want a love that lasts. I want a relationship that can withstand a storm.

I want to find a person who will stick by my side, even when our relationship reaches bumps in the road. A person who will not run away at the first glimpse of trouble. A person who means it when they say they will never leave me.

I want someone who chooses to stay and work on our problems instead of abandoning me for someone easier to love. I want someone who decides or relationship is important enough to salvage, that I am important enough to exert effort for.

I have been waiting for someone who is willing to work their ass off because love is never easy. Love is messy. Love is complicated. Love is difficult to maintain — but it is worth all of that work. I want someone who realizes that. Someone who understands our story is sometimes going to suck, but that doesn’t mean it’s time for it to end. It means it’s time for us to put in even more effort.

I am not looking for anything crazy. I am only looking for sustainability.

I want someone who sees me struggling and reaches out a hand to help instead of leaving me to drown.

I want someone who will scramble to find tissues when they see my eyes watering instead of searching for an excuse to leave the room because my tears make them uncomfortable.

I want someone who will listen to my angered ramblings and drunken stories. Someone who accepts every single side of me, not just the pieces that are easy to swallow.

I want to wake up each morning, knowing my person will be on the other side of the bed, waiting to begin their day alongside me. I want to have someone who I can text five times in a row without worrying about what they will think of me. I want someone who I can sing and dance in front of without wondering whether they are annoyed by me.

I do not want to worry about what tomorrow is going to bring. I do not want to watch every word that leaves my lips because the slightest misstep could cause my person to walk away forever.

I want a concrete love. An everlasting love. A love that is not in danger of ending.

I am finished with almost relationships that end before officially beginning. I am not patient enough for casual relationships that might turn into something more if I hope hard enough.

I am looking for the real deal. For the most passionate relationship of my life, the most beautiful relationship of my life, the last relationship of my life.

I am ready for something serious. I am ready for a love that will last for an eternity. TC mark

Source : https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2018/06/i-want-a-love-that-lasts/